The Contestants |
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The Breakdown |
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Advantages
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Disadvantages
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Kills
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How we think the fight will go
Aragorn dismounts from his mighty horse Roheryn in order to give the crowd of tiny men a fair fight. There are many of them, but Aragorn is the descendant of generations of kings and heroes and no mob of redheaded riffraff is going to keep him from assuming the throne of Gondolin. He unsheathes Andúril and strides forward. Immediately the wee men are upon him: stabbing into the chinks of his armor, crawling up his greaves, blacking his eyes, screaming into his ears, piling onto his back to try to pull him down to the ground. Aragorn cries out the ancient Númenórean words for “Get off me you buggers!” and his sword flares like the sun, blinding the Mac Feegle closest to him. Some fall away, diving back into their underground home to recover. But more come boiling up out of the ground, ready to join the fray. Scores of them climb up his sword arm, biting through his gauntlet until he drops Andúril. And when the sword falls, so does the heir to ancient Gondor….
Predicted Winner: The Wee Free Men
Aragorn is a character from JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings series; The Wee Free Men is a character from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series
Aragorn image courtesy of New Line Cinema. Wee Free Men image courtesy of Corgi Children’s Books
Love Aragorn but Wee Free Men. Here are 11 reasons why:
First, everyone keeps forgetting the Nac Mac Feegle’s battle poets. The McGonagle (sorry, not sure of the spelling) spouts such horrendous “poetry”, which is kind of like magic, that it causes a creature/person extreme pain upon hearing it. 1 McGonagle was able to disperse a HORDE of nasty creatures created by the Queen of the Fey.
Aragorn having been raised with Elves would be especially vulnerable to this attack. It’s hard to swing a sword if you’re covering your ears with your hands to prevent your brain from exploding.
Contributing factors are:
2. Tiny 6 inch men would be harder to hit.
3. FAST, close to speed of light since they are invisible when running at top speed.
4. STRONG. 1 Feegle knocked a horse unconscious with one HEADbutt then continued fighting. That would take Aragorn’s horse out of the fight early on.
5. Hundreds to Thousands of them.
6. Not swayed by royalty.
7. Expert thieving skills . . . while Aragorn’s fighting some of the others would be cutting the saddle girths ‘causing Aragorn to fall off the horse. (If the horse isn’t already unconscious from #4 above.)
8. Expert fighting skills and no hesitation in fighting dirty. They never “run away from a fight”.
9. EXPERT ambush attackers.
10. Drink does NOT affect their fighting ability except that they will continue to fight with each other once the common foe is down. Just for fun.
Now if the fight had started in a pub/bar Aragorn may have stood a chance but only if he came up with a really good plan in the 1/2 hour it would take for the Feegle to drink the place dry.
The only thing the Feegle fear/respect and would pause against attacking are “hags” (witches) and their own Kelda, who is their Mom or Sister. Now that they have their own lawyer they are not afraid of them any longer.
Sorry, forgot # 11
Absolutely no fear when it comes to fighting ANY foe. They can not be intimidated or swayed by charisma.
Oh, there’s hardly a question, when you consider that the Wee Free man can carry about 1,000 times their weight, and their heads are their primary weapon: nothing’s going to even cause them to pause, much less give in to some silly sword!
One three-step solution:
- Stop
- Drop
- Roll! =D
I mean, if your opponent isn’t even as tall as your knee, you aren’t going to have a sword fight. You’d practically have to stick them one by one at that angle. The only solution is to crush them with your weight.
It is obvious that Aragorn wins. He only had one chance in a million. Otherwise it is imposible to him survive in this match.
One other thing that the wee free fans fail to remember is that Aragorn after Elrond goes over seas has some AOE magic he inherited. Given enough time, or a place already setup like Rivendell, he could toss all of them down stream with giant waves. Not to mention them chasing him across a rope bridge he cuts. Of course if we go to video game versions of Aragorn he gets some huge AOEs. P.S. there are other undeads he can command. Fornost for one.
Gotta agree with DiapDealer.
You talk like you don’t know what a Wee Free Man *is*. This isn’t a few cute little kittens. This is a vicious, rabid, swarm of hardened killers. A better example would be an angry elephant against a very large swarm of killer bees, only Aragorn isn’t as smart as the elephant.
I know the poll is closed, but as I said: the sparkle blinds.
I sympathize with the wee man fans.If this was a face off in the sense of lets throw Aragorn somewhere and a innumerable amount of wee under him coming up and engulfing him,sounds like game over.I realize the wee are not kittens.Neither are the ringwraiths orcs,cavetrolls,spiders of mirkwood,deadmarshes,old forest/fangorn/mines of moria,misty mts. mordor,ect.. ifyou just throw Aragorn in any one of these situations out of the blue there’s good chance he is goin; down. Aragorn has been EVERYWHERE in middle earth as a ranger at one time or another throughout his life including the dark,cursed and forbidden places(the wee fans act like he hasn’t encountered magic before or knows what magic is).Simply put ,give the encounter CONTEXT and Aragorn’s survival goes up immensely and the wee will find out Aragorn is not that easily ensnared.I will admit that wee can come out the winners even in this sense but, Aragorn has survived the trials and tribulations of middle earth and wee are NOT greater than what the dominions of the dark can do or are capable of(I bet he’d LOVE to recruit the wee!) Sorry The wee are no kittens and Aragorn is no elephant/cow. either! Hail ARAGORN!!
Thanks for commenting! Comments are now closed on this post, but you can follow this match’s winner in the next fight, open 3/15 at 10:30 EST!