The Contestants |
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The Breakdown |
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Advantages
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Disadvantages
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Disadvantages
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Kills
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Kills
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How we think the fight will go
Aragorn dismounts from his mighty horse Roheryn in order to give the crowd of tiny men a fair fight. There are many of them, but Aragorn is the descendant of generations of kings and heroes and no mob of redheaded riffraff is going to keep him from assuming the throne of Gondolin. He unsheathes Andúril and strides forward. Immediately the wee men are upon him: stabbing into the chinks of his armor, crawling up his greaves, blacking his eyes, screaming into his ears, piling onto his back to try to pull him down to the ground. Aragorn cries out the ancient Númenórean words for “Get off me you buggers!” and his sword flares like the sun, blinding the Mac Feegle closest to him. Some fall away, diving back into their underground home to recover. But more come boiling up out of the ground, ready to join the fray. Scores of them climb up his sword arm, biting through his gauntlet until he drops Andúril. And when the sword falls, so does the heir to ancient Gondor….
Predicted Winner: The Wee Free Men
Aragorn is a character from JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings series; The Wee Free Men is a character from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series
Aragorn image courtesy of New Line Cinema. Wee Free Men image courtesy of Corgi Children’s Books
It seems Aragorn has convinced the little blue faeries that he is their sovereign with a blaze of Hollywood stardust.
Now if they had pitted him against Granny Weatherwax. That would have been something else entirely.
Or an exam in efficient statecraft against the patrician.
Or to armwrestle the Librarian…
Highly disappointed that so many fanboys can’t see past the sparkle. Wee free men are clearly the winners.
How so, though? Aragorn can kill swarms of orcs and goblins, why can’t he slash his way through a group of angry Scottish Smurfs?
Aragorn couldn’t touch them. They’re small, they’re very strong and there are hundreds of them. No way can he dispose of them with only a sword. Feegles can pick up a cow, for God’s sake!
It will take magic to defeat the Wee Free Men, period. One dude with a sword has no chance against a horde this size. Sorry A!
*AHEM…. what about Aragorn’s power over the army of undead? hmmm? There’s hundreds of them too. And they can’t be hit. And they’re all more like six feet tall rather than six inches. Sorry, I vote for Aragorn, due to necromancy alone.
Nac Mac Feegle. Aragorn only had power over the undead army once. Then they left. Nac Mac Feegle? Keep coming back. You can’t get rid of them!
Stop drop and roll Aragorn.
I’m sorry but the wee free men clearly won this. NO matter how much you love Aragorn.
Heavens,
“Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willnae be fooled again!”
Aragorn has absolutely no chance whatsoever. None. Oh God. He should call his mummy. What’s that? She’s dead? Well. She’ll soon have company, won’t she?
One wonders when, precisely, the attenuated aristocrat would find the chance to defend himself? (Let alone phone the elves, dead folk, or other dubious comrades of his famous adventures).
I picture the gallant fellow caught fumbling for a curiously vanished broken/unbroken sword as he’s carried off to howls of the following:
“There can only be one t’ousand!”
“They can tak’ oour lives, but they cannae tak’ oour troousers!”
“Ye’ll tak’ the high road an’ I’ll tak’ yer wallet!”
“Twelve hundred angry men!”
Poor Aragorn. He’s really not made for this sort of thing.
“Waily, waily!”
~Dave
Haha.
That said, Aragorn had to deal with Merry and Pippin, and they were pretty much as troublesome as they come.
I was thinking about this, too. But he did release them from their bonds. If he has access to them, though, then they could definitely turn the tide.
He also has the power to heal himself.
He’s also Jesus.
“but Aragorn is the descendant of generations of kings and heroes and no mob of redheaded riffraff is going to keep him from assuming the throne of Gondolin.”
Aragorn is heir to throne of Gondor. Gondolin is the hidden city of the Elves, raised by Turgon in the First Age in the valley within the Encircling Mountains. It is the source of the blades that glow so awesomely when orcs are nearby. Oh, and it fell, and was washed under the sea when the world was broken at the end of the first age.
Not to be picky or anything.
To be precise, it was his birthright that gave Aragorn his power over the Grey Host. While the Nac Mac Feegle do view themselves as dead, they are 1)not actually dead 2)not beholden to Aragorn or his bloodline, so he doesn’t command any sort of power over them.
That being said, I’m quite sure Aragorn is canny enough not to get into a fight with the Nac Mac Feegle.
Aragorn’s win record is proof enough… when your plans and fight strategies are as god-awful as his are, and yet you ALWAYS win, you are the greatest fighter in existence… period
Aragorn is much more than just some credible fighter with a fancy sword. Let us not forget that he single-handedly ripped the Palantir from the will of Sauron – a direct, one-on-one duel of will with a Maiar, and he won! There’s more to the man than just physicality.
C’mon people… Aragorn is a regular at an establishment called “The Prancing Pony”!
Ever seen an army of soldier ants devouring the caracass of a gazelle on the Discovery Channel?
That’s how this match ends up. Stop thinking with your staff.
Having never read the discworld series, my opinion is uninformed. However, the “one on one with a Maiar” argument has some weight to it, as does the “already faced seemingly insurmountable odds and come out on top” one. Plus, “stop, drop and roll” is pretty fricken funny.
The Nac Mac Feegle should win this without breaking a sweat.
Aragorn can’t slay this foe with a magical sword when:
A) The foes are practically un-hittable
B) The precious sword is inexplicably gone missing
The thieving Nac Mac Feegle would likewise have relieved Aragorn of any other object of value in short order, so no magical item help at all.
And while it is a good point that Aragorn went one on one with Sauron in a battle of wills and won, it’ll not avail him in this particular match up. No good going one on one with a Nac Mac Feegle, as the rest of them will set upon him like hungry Piranhas on a unusually yummy carcass.
Stop, drop and roll DOES seem like the only advice likely to be of any help when facing the blue horde.
Come on, this should be an easy one. Nac Mac Feegle, hands down.
I’ve yet to see a convincing argument for how Aragorn could manage to win this one.
Not even the queen of the elves could defeat the Wee Fee Men, how could Aragorn (who is just a “partial” elf) defeat them?
Ever seen an angry elephant?
How many kittens you think it would take to kill it?
“How many kittens you think it would take to kill it?”
Rabid blue kittens with sharp weapons and fighting experience??
A couple hundred… What’s your point?
Quick Aragorn! Light your pipeweed!
Oh man, I sooooo do not want anything written by Terry Pratchett to go anywhere in this competition, but…yeah, Aragorn’s kinda doomed.
The only plausible way I can see for him to pull this off is if he turned right around and high-tailed it into a convenient forest, where he’d use his skills as the greatest ranger and hunter of all Middle Earth to pick the little buggers off and vanish.
Over time, he could probably waste them all, particularly if they split up into smaller bands.
If he faces them head-on, though…yeah, Isildur’s heir is pretty much screwed. He’s facing impossible odds, and while I don’t doubt that he’s a good enough swordsmen that he COULD hit them, he’d just be surrounded and overwhelmed.
I know Aragorn’s got scary charisma, so that people who really should kill or hate him somehow seem to end up kneeling down and saying “My lord!”, but he can’t rely on that. Maybe for a second, like that thing he pulled in Helm’s Deep where the enemy was cowed just for an instant.
Use it to run, Aragorn! USE IT TO RUN!
The assumption is that Aragorn can only stand and nobly fight this horde. One has to keep in mind that he was a ranger for… HOW LONG? So, what, he never ambushed orcs or led wargs off of cliffs? He’s got cunning as well as nobility, and he’d be sure to use that. He KNOWS how to stay alive.
“Rabid blue kittens with sharp weapons and fighting experience??”
Wow.
Ok…how about a rabid elephant with bigger weapons and more fighting experience??
Sorry, but I take the elephant every time- but feel free to argue with it yourself, nod.
Nac Mac Feegle ain’t equal to the hordes of goblins or orcs Aragorn’s slain. Each individiual Nac Mac Feegle is probably about as challenging an opponent as a single Uruk-hai or somesuch, so in a one-on-one match, sure Aragorn would win.
But we’re talking one man against an army here. Even in the films they didn’t overpower Aragorn quite that far. Multiple opponents is one thing, but, say, one man against an army of twelve hundred?
Nac Mac should totally win this one. They’d be kind of buggered against any kind of magic user or the like anyways, so I don’t see them winning the whole deal, but this is a sheer physical prowess lineup, and a very unfair one. Aragorn would just not have any chance.
Also rabid blue kittens vs. elephants what? The whole point of the nac mac feegle is that their strength proportionate to their body mass is ridiculously high. They’re rabid scottish smurfs capable of lifting a cow without breaking a sweat. (Okay so that example technically took four of them for balance, but still. 1200 or 400. All the same.) We’re not talking a rabid elephant against rabid kittens. We’re talking a rabbit elephant against about 1200 rabid LANDMINES.
Judge those things by their size, do you?
yeah, I was think Nac Mac Feegle hands down. They’re relentless and ridiculously strong. They think they’re already dead so they’ll just keep coming without fear even if Aragorn takes out a few score of them.
However, there’s a comment mixed up in there that I hadn’t thought of.
Aragorn *is* no slouch in the brains department. If he knows of their weakness for drink, he’s got some Hobbit friends who can cover for him–distract the Feegle with Ale and Aragorn’s just taken them out. Simple as that.
I rathre think Aragon wins by didn’t of folks are voting for him, without having the slightest clue of the oposition. Oh well. It’s only a game!
Apologies for shocking typing. There’s an army of blue boostards behind me and I’m nervous!
The odds are stacked against Aragorn in the numbers department here(piranha and army ants good ex.).So, he IS a time tested ranger(Saron has or had been HUNTING for him for so long with all his resources as to assume Aragorn dead thus no heir,right?)So, if Aragorn has TIME on his side(not, you have five mins. to fight on a blank landscape)and he has FANTASTIC hunting/hiding skills not to mention his faithful horse who would sense his master in peril would not just sit there eating hay!But, provide a means of rescue and escape for Aragorn to get ahead of the NUMBERS disadvantage and rethink a SMARTER STRATEGY to deal with his current situation and thus give him a far greater chance to survive since that is BEST ASSET as a RANGER! HE IS THE ULTIMATE SUVIVALIST! Nobility comes with the fight of good and evil all the way to the final stand for good against overwhelming odds.HERE,Aragorn is dealing with a bad case of six inch wood lice(with deadly consequences)!You don’t have to be NOBLE about getting rid of a rat infestation than you do about these annoying little buggers!!
“If he knows of their weakness for drink, he’s got some Hobbit friends who can cover for him–distract the Feegle with Ale and Aragorn’s just taken them out. Simple as that.”
You actually think the Nac Mac Feegle would stop fighting for drinking, or the other way round? Ever? At any time? In any way? I take it you have never been out in Glascae on a saturday night..
To be blunt about it: Bollocks.
That is what they would be going for, low hanging and easy to get at, classic dirty fighting, and if they get them, heart and mind will follow.
First of all, Aragorn could shoot them from horseback. Yes in a up close fight he is at a disadvantage. But he is a master of fighting dirty. Rangers are masters of tricks and traps, has he ever given an Orc a fair fight? If there were thousands of wee frees, the fighting area would be huge. Most of them would die to traps and long range arrows. They would probably never see him. Not to mention, the whole army of the dead thing, thousands of unkillable undead at his command.
Not fair. Nac Mac Feegle are very powerful, very hard to kill, fight dirty, are crazy and are simply too many. I love Aragorn, but the Wee Free Men would win this hands down. Too bad they got matched up against him – he is just too popular and both him and the NMF deserved to get other opponents and progress. Well, at least they don’t care too much ’cause they think they are dead already and they are not poor losers – they’re just going to steal everything Aragorn owns, leave him naked and sell the stuff for drinks.
THANK you!
Some of the Feegle will probably incapacitate themselves due to overzealousness (”Crivens! I kicked meself in me own heid!”), but there are so many of them it really doesn’t matter.
His only real hope would be to sway them with the Power Of The Writin’, and I seriously doubt he’d realise that before the Feegle headbutted his horse, stole Anduril, and carried him off across the Chalk.
Nac mac Feegle wha hae!
And I liked Aragorn, too. Waily, waily.
OK, we all know that Aragorn is cool and all that stuff, but be serious. The Wee Free Men are numerous, rabid, merciless, invisible (unless they don’t want to) and do not fear death. Aragorn may fight, and fight, and fight all day long, but there are too many. He will be exhausted sooner or later, and have I already said that the Wees are merciless?
Please DO read Pratchett before voting. 4 Feegles can lift up a cow and carry it away. A tribe of Feegles can lift a ragorn and dispose of him before he can stutter “Arw..”
Aragorn fanboys
Wee Free Men have this one in the bag. Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willnae be fooled again! The fact that he IS a king would only piss them off.
He doesn’t have any magic, he doesn’t have any chance, but there are too many fans of Lord of the Rings for this one to be a fair vote.
Terry Pratchett should’ve been championed by Samuel Vimes. I love the Wee Free Men books, but Vimes (and Rincewind, but how do do you fight a champion who can run away from ANYTHING?)
Here’s a more condensed and to-the-point version of my views:
Aragorns’ traits are as follows.
‘Suspicious’ (he tests Frodo and Sam before revealing himself because Saron has tried to trick and trap him many times.) He’s going to size up these little buggers first.
‘Endurance’ (the guy can run and run and run if he has to.)
‘Resourceful’ (he has a vast knowledge of hunting, hiding, tracking, ambushing, and is highly adaptable to changing situations.)
‘Warrior’ (time tested fighter…he knows when the odds are against him, and he knows when to back off and change tactics.)
As for the ‘numerous’ argument for the Wee Free Men side, they are described in the battle as being part of an inexhaustible supply. Fair?
“As for the ‘numerous’ argument for the Wee Free Men side, they are described in the battle as being part of an inexhaustible supply. Fair?”
There’s no ‘fair’ in Cage Match.
Good thing Aragorn is not a cow.
so is there a fixed amount of these little bastards? If they just keep coming and coming then aragorn is done. But if there’s say a thousand, six inch tall blue men and aragorn has his horse, aragorn can just ride full speed around the edge of them and trample them until he’s taken out a few hundred. then bull rush and dive his horse into them killing the horse and several hundred blue men. then just hack away with his sword and if at that point there shouldn’t be but two hundred or so left and if they start climbing on him he can just stop, drop, and roll. i think it just depends on the total number of these blue men. if there are over 1200 or so then i think aragorn will run out of energy and be overrun.
Seriously, I was with the majority of you commenters that the NMF were too numerous and relentless. I thought there was no chance for Aragorn.
But if you do read the books, the Feegles *do* get distracted all the time by drink! So yes, if Aragorn served up some top notch Hobbit brew, he’d win them over and then he could go his merry way.
I think the Feegle are over their paralyzing fear of the written word, after all they do have a “lawyer” with them now. So the only way to beat them is through drink.
There is no fair in cage voting…:)
There is no fair in cage voting…:)
Sorry, but trampling the Nac mac Feegle won’t work. At worst, they’ll take a few moments to dig themselves out of the ground, and more likely a few of them will grab the horse’s hooves and carry him around in random jinks until even a master horseman like Aragorn would fall off.
But with the power of the Writin’ and a lavish bribe of a wee dram o’ ale, and if Aragorn could turn his considerable charisma into influencing the Kelda. . .
Well, maybe.
The undead were a one-time deal. Says so in the book.
Anyway, the Feegles are already dead so they’re not undead, he has no power over them.
Very sad about this match, the Feegles should have won he whole tournament, IMO.
As much as I’m a fan of Aragorn, um… well, in terms of strength, I think the Feegles are comparable to the Uruk-hai and, having said that, Strider could not slay hundreds of them all at once. Dozens maybe.
That and it’s really hard to hit something that’s only a few inches tall with a broadsword. Kind of the wrong tool for the job. If he had some kind of Area of Effect magic spell, he could hope to take them down but he’s no great magic-wielder. Sorry, Strider. Wee Free Men. Next time, roll a mage.