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Click here to see what author George R. R. Martin thinks will happen
“Books?” Jaime said. “How can books help me in a fight?”
“They can tell you more about this thing you’re fighting.” Tyrion dumped the dusty tomes down on the table.
“Cthulhu,” said Jaime. “It sounds like the noise old men make when they’re bringing up phelgm.” He rummaged through the books with his good hand. They had odd titles, in languages he did not know, though he was not surprised his brother did. “Abdul Alhazared,” he pronounced, leafing through a few pages. “This is written in gibberish. What tongue is this?”
“A fair question,” said Tyrion, “to which I have no answer. That comes from the shadowlands beyond Asshai. But here, look at this. It is a translation of a translation of a translation, I understand.” The dwarf flipped through the pages, until he found the one he wanted. “And there are illuminations. Here. This is Cthulhu.”
Jaime stared. “That?”
“That.”
“It’s as big as Casterly Rock.”
“Bigger. If Casterly Rock fell on its head it might not even notice.”
“Seven bloody hells.” Even if he still had two good hands, Jaime Lannister was not certain how he was supposed to fight something like that. “Those tentacles… this thing looks as though it just ate twenty giant krakens, but hasn’t quite finished swallowing them yet.” He sat down, and began turning pages. “Maybe if I had a dragon… ”
“Maybe if you had a hundred dragons.” Tyrion sat cross-legged on his stool and began rummaging through another book, called Mysteries of the Worm.
“Read. I’ll do the same. You haven’t much time.”
“I suppose not,” Jaime admitted. “What am I looking for?”
“Weaknesses.”
Jaime looked at the picture of Cthulhu again. “It has eyes,” he said. “A vulnerable point, perhaps. A spear through the eye will kill a dragon.” How could he reach the eyes, though? The thing was taller than the Wall. “A rope and a grapnel… I could scale the damned thing, as if it were a mountain… but I’d need too good hands to pull myself up…” He did not have two good hands.
“You could have twenty good hands,” said Tyrion. He did not even look up from his book. “The tentacles would catch you and pull you apart like a wishbone.” He turned another page. “You had best start reading, if you ever want to fuck our sweet sister again.”
Jaime started reading. It was not at all his favorite pastime, but he saw his little brother’s point.
The better part of an hour passed before he looked up. “Here’s something,” he said. “Elder signs.” He turned the book around and showed it to Tyrion.
The dwarf scratched at his nose, considering. “Hmmm. Yes. Protective wards. Those could be useful.”
“I can paint one on my shield,” said Jaime.
“On your shield and all over your armor,” suggested Tyrion. “But paint can be stripped away too easily. Have these Elder Signs etched into the metal.”
“Agreed.” Jaime rose and summoned his armorer and set him to work. “Along my sword as well,” he told the man. “Both sides.”
Tyrion was still reading. “That’s unfortunate.”
“What?” Jaime poured each of them a cup of wine. This reading was thirsty work.
“Well, it says here that the mere sight of this Cthulhu will drive you mad with terror.”
Jaime laughed. “What, me?” He took a sip of wine. “Sometimes a little terror just makes a man fight harder.”
“They’re talking about a lot of terror,” said the dwarf. “Not the fight-harder kind, alas. The shit-your-breeches-and-curl-up-in-a-ball kind.”
Now that was really vexing. Even covered with Elder Signs, how could he be expected to fight the damn thing if he could not even look at it? “Do I need to go into battle blind?” he asked his brother. “There was Symeon Star-Eyes, true, but he had years of experience fighting sightless. I do not. How do I even find the bloody thing?”
“Well, I imagine there will be a smell,” said Tyrion. His frown deepened. “It would appear you can’t kill it either.”
“A thrust through the eye… ” insisted Jaime, clinging to that hope.
“… is like to inconvenience it, but the thing’s already dead, or undead, or… Listen to this. That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die.”
“I doubt that I can wait aeons,” said Jaime. “So the thing’s a god, is it?”
“Pretty much.” Scowling, Tyrion turned more pages. Then he grinned. “Oh, hold on. Here is it.”
“What now?” asked Jaime.
“It’s sleeping.” Tyrion tapped the page. “Says so right here. And in the other book as well. Cthulhu is sleeping in R’yleh beneath the sea.”
“How does that help us?” asked Jaime.
“Well,” said Tyrion, “let’s not wake it. If Cthulhu doesn’t turn up, you win the match by default. Big fellow like that needs its sleep. I’d hate to disturb its dreaming, wouldn’t you?”
“We all need to dream,” said Jaime, with a wry smile. “But someone will want to it wake it up, I fear.”
“A lot of someones,” the dwarf confessed. “There’s heavy coin down on the big guy.”
He was not wrong. When Jaime strode onto the battleground beside the sea, he found more than twenty of them: priests and acolytes with bulging eyes, fish-belly white skin, receding chins, and the odd gill or two. The moment they saw him, they all started chanting, “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn,”and dancing about in a circle, their pale limbs flopping. Their eyes were all on the waves. None of them paid the least bit of attention to Jaime… until he shrugged off his cloak and let it puddle to the ground, revealing the golden armor beneath, covered over head to heel with Elder Signs.
Then they started shrieking. Smiling happily, Jaime donned his helm, and unsheathed his longsword.
The priests were slow and clumsy, at least on land. None of them were armed, and his blade went through their pale soft flesh like a fishwife’s knife through a fresh catch, the Elder Signs along its length brightening with each kill. Green ichor splattered everywhere. Before long the ground was slippery with scales and webbed hands and stinking fish innards. No one was chanting anymore.
Cthulhu never showed. Jaime hoped it was having a nice dream. Maybe it has a sweet sister too.
“I think you’ve won this one,” said Tyrion, as the sun was going down. There was no one left to dispute it. “Let’s go collect our winnings. You won’t believe the odds I got on you, brother.”
Cthulhu and Jaime sat around the table, discussing the merits of destroying little girls.
“My favorite part was when she pulled out her little instrument thingy–like an Elder Being is scared of an over-glorified Geiger Counter.”
Jaime didn’t know what Cthulhu meant. Hell, he could barely understand the almost visual touch of the monster’s voice that would have sent his soul screaming–if he still had one. What he did understand was the fine wine he’d been consuming almost continuously since he’d won his last match. He reached absently for it with his right hand, only to remember that said appendage was no longer there. The dark voice rambled on in his brain…
“…so I said, ‘You eat the spleen!’,” which caused the be-tentacled god-thing to chortle with bone-liquifying amusement.
“Ha,” said Jaime. Clearly Cthulhu’s humor was lost on him.
“What about you?” the dark being asked.
“‘What about me’ what?”
“Well, how’d your battle go?”
Jaime snorted. “Battle? What battle? I’ve had more sport with a pack of worthless Starks than the precocious child those worthless Suvudu people put me up against.”
“I hear that!” Cthulhu guffawed. “You toss this one out a window, too?”
This brought Jaime up short. “You go too far, ser.”
“Cthuhlu, please. Ser was my father.”
The absurdity of this last statement didn’t register to the Kingslayer, as much of this conversation hadn’t. But he couldn’t let this hulking madness sitting across from him insult his honor. “So…” Jaime said.
“So indeed,” Cthulhu replied, getting all serious and–as his friends would point out–most certainly unCthulhu-like.
The two stood up and squared off in front of each other. Jaime, in gleaming armor, looked every bit the feared warrior of Westeros he was known to be. He held his sword in what had once been his off-hand, but clearly was “off” no more. It wasn’t just competence in his grip; it was the casual disregard that spoke of a fighter whose skill had transcended “talented” to reach the realm of elite. The sword was an extension of his left hand as much as his sneer was an extension of his personality. Well-seasoned warriors would look upon his stance and know fear. Hardened veterans would look in his face and see the determination of one who had not only killed his liege, but vanquished a mighty witch just days before.
They would see their death, done up in a golden glory that would rival the sun.
Cthulhu yawned and destroyed the knight’s mind. For good measure, the dark god knelt on his head, popping it like an arrogant zit.
Only later, as the bartender came over to settle up the tab did Cthulhu realize it was being stuck with the bill.
Time to find his dear sister, Cthulhu thought. A Lannister always pays his debts…
Damn–someone already used that joke.
Predicted Winner: Cthulhu
(Cthulhu is a character from the myriad writings of H. P. Lovecraft; Jaime Lannister is a character from George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series,)
I must say, from all the things I read so far in the brackets, yours is the best story. One I read with the actual feeling of reading a book by Martin or King or any of my favourite authors. It was good written and I like to think that Jaime could use his right hand once more
So thank you!
Stop tarding up mah brackets. Aragorn destroying the wee free men, the shrike pwning Arthur Dent and now THIS? One handed man with below-average mental prowess beating out CTHULHU in a cage match whaaaaaaai. Yes I read Martin’s rebuttal. Yes I would love for Jaime to win as an asoiaf fanboy myself but people I would so dig if someone would ever and I mean EVER vote for the one who would actually win.
Still less annoying than the two aforementioned cases, though.
I’m pretty sure Grayson’s dream story should have ended with Jaime struggling to get out of bed, only to realize that instead of cutting off his hand to melt down, he cut off his own “manhood” and ate it.
He then runs screaming through the ship where the crew similarly finds that they too have mutilated themselves in their sleep. One by one they throw themselves overboard, impale themselves on various implements, or hang themselves.
~~~~
This assuming they are just trying to enter Cthulhu’s dreams.
As an aside… boring or not, everyone knows Cthulhu wins- at least against someone who doesn’t wield actual power.
If Cthulhu somehow “loses” this round, then obviously he still wins- because you’re freaking nuts for voting for Jaime.
A fair thought. Still, I will take a well thought out or playful response to all of these matches over a bit of “NERD RAGE!!!!” any day. Length is also a fair concern. I’d be willing to forgive Grayson for the length because it was simply a well done story.
As to the folks saying that the ole’ Kingslayer is evil I ask this. Does any one here not enjoy a good story of redemption? I hope to see our one handed… ummm hero? (Still seems wrong to say)redeem himself in the books to come.
GRR Martin must have forgotten that this is the second round. Cthulhu is already awake. Jaime loses. The only character I see having any chance is Rand. You can’t drive him insane, since he already is. Combine Callandor + balefire = no more Cthulhu.
“No Nubian America! No Black Planet!” — that’s how I’ll always think of poor old HPL now.
About to seriously piss off a clutch of self-replicating alien world-eaters with a double-barreled shotgun…
Anyway, Randolph Carter got the better of Nyarlathotep in the Dreamlands (perhaps being a thinly disguised version of HPL helped), so I think Ser Lannister *might* manage to outwit a comatose Cyclopean cuttlefish (if It spends the time between rounds not dead but dreaming), at least long enough to get into the next round.
My argument for why Cthulhu is sleeping (which may or may not be logical and which most certainly breaks the fourth wall)
Now, it is listed under Cthulhu’s disadvantage: “Might still be dreaming in R’lyeh.” Therefore, just as much as Jaime has to fight without the use of his swordhand, we have to assume that it’s a possibility that Cthulhu is dreaming.
The situation is this: If Cthulhu is awake, Cthulhu wins. I’m not denying that.
If Cthulhu is not awake, Jaime wins, if only by default.
Here’s where I stop making sense.
This is where the will of the voters comes into play. Some of us are looking for a Cthulhu victory while others (hello!) are looking for a Jaime victory.
Since there exists a perfectly reasonable scenario in which either would win, voting for either is understandable.
Now, some people are making the argument that since Cthulhu was awake in the first fight, then he has to be awake for the second.
I say: why? If that’s the case, then why is it even listed as a disadvantage? It has to persist throughout the matches, just as much as every other character’s disadvantage does. So I return to my point that it is possible that Cthulhu is still dreaming, though it is not for certain, and it only makes sense that a vote for either is a-okay.
Personally, I’m voting Jaime because:
Cthulhu beats Jaime = boring and predictable
Jaime beats Cthulhu = awesome and interesting.
Also, I’m an Ice and Fire addict and Jaime and Tyrion are my favorite characters. XD
And for the record, I voted Lyra in the first round.
order and cHaos
(P.S. Go Jaime!!!)
wrote a huge explanation before why this fight is cthulu, but it the system didnt send it, so ill cut it short, just cuz Cthulus asleep doesnt mean hes losing, his in perfect physical and mental condition (hes dreaming of chasing bunnies! look at him go!) just the fact jamie doesnt have an arm places him at a less then perfect physical condition, plus he is past his prime, every second is a marginally worse physical condition. this is a cage match without a cage, u cant forfeit by not apearing! the worlds your stage, just because your not attacking the enemy doesnt mean u forfeit.
.
Grayson Towlers story was awesome, cant wait for him to publish some of his own writings
but the Seven are passive at best, nonexistance at worse, Rhlor mithve done something, old gods mightve, but really cant see the Seven doing anything….
GRRMs was nice, but since cthulu is alive and well… i cant see jamie winning this, after all, hes 34!(like…. a whole year past his prime!!)
sure the tournament aint fair, but if u want godlike-free tournament you have to kick half the contendrs (Aslan, Rand, Ged, Gandalf Raist and Cthulu)
Jamie is one of my favorite characters and song of ice and fire is my favorite series ever. but this fight is cthulus, voting for jamie is a waste of votes since he will never beat the next round…
I guess it turns out that Valyrian steel is Cthulhu kryptonite.
@Aarrgghh
but the Seven are passive at best, nonexistance at worse,
You’ve hit the nail on the head… that’s the biggest stretch I make in the whole fanciful exercise, that the Seven would (or could) actually do anything, even as indirectly as guiding a champion along a dream quest. For the most popular gods in Westeros, they’re remarkably passive. The only one who gets any apparent intervention from them is Davos, and even that might have just been a fevered dream. Meanwhile R’hllor is swanning about granting visions, bringing people back from the dead, empowering sorceresses, etc…
Still, I’d rather see Jaime than Mellisandre in the tournament.
Laughable that Jaime is going to win against Cthulhu. Tyrion and Jaime bullcrap is going to rise the ladder all the way to the top.
If they can come up with a way to beat Cthulhu without even waking him AFTER he stepped on Lyra then why can’t Tyrion poison Rand in his sleep, stab Gandalf while pretending to be a hobbit, etc? Oh, and btw, why isn’t Tyrion in this instead of Jaime if he’s doing all the legwork? Why not have them as a pair? Oh, because this is single matches, and Tyrion isn’t supposed to be in it…
The amount of GRRM fanboy defensiveness over Jaime’s win being legit is stomach wrenching.
Fat goth chick alert, everyone
I voted for Jaime, but I still think it’s a silly victory. But then again, the whole tournament is silly. Different magics from different universes… Characters with godlike powers facing off against completely mundane opponents.
Everyone, chill out. Just because your favorite guy might lose, it’s not the end of the world. Conan is still a superior character to Rand al’Thor
I see people saying that Jaime won’t win the next round, or saying that Jaime will win everything because his brother is Tyrion.
Jaime will win the next round because Temeraire, for all his size and “intelligence” is a moron. Read the books if you haven’t, you’ll see what I mean. All Jaime has to do is trick Temeraire into trying to eat him (probably won’t have to try that hard), and there’s a perfect opportunity to stab through the roof of his mouth with a Valyrian Steel Sword, game over, Jaime wins, even if he does have to cut his way out of a dead dragon’s mouth afterward.
Or Jaime could go the yet easier route of holding his sword to Laurence’s throat, and Temeraire will do whatever Jaime says at that point.
@Jaguar
It may be a little premature to talk about the next round, considering the voting swings we’ve seen up to this point.
However, I would not characterize Temeraire as a “moron.” It’s more fair to say that he’s naive about many things. As in, he’s 5 years old. We see an older dragon of his sort in the books, operating with his intelligence plus a few more decades of experience, and she is anything but a moron.
Jaime is no brain specialist himself. The concept that he needs to think strategically has only recently entered his awareness, since the loss of his hand. Up to that point, he thought with either his “manhood” or his sword, depending on the situation. Which is why he got owned by a 16-year old Stark in the only major large-scale battle he ever fought.
Two beings of great destiny and power…
Cthulhu is a virtually unkillable creature, especially because he’s probably not ‘alive’ to begin with. He has an unknown number of worshipers, powers and considerable abilities.
Jaime is a human being with great character, and one who doesn’t give up easily.
Then again, Cthulhu is an immortal.
I think the outcome lies within the information given to us. Even IF Cthulhu wakes up, he will have to brush his teeth, go take a leak (imagine waking up after so much time. MAN I wouldn’t like to be that guy.).
Do you really think he’ll notice etched Valyrian steel scrubbing away towards the cortex of his brain, especially after researching and completely ignoring Cthulhu’s gaze of death?
Jaime wins. Crippled Victory.
I think a lot depends on where the fight takes place and under what circumstance. Cthulhu is at home at sea – if the fight takes place there the only way Jamie could win is if Cthuluhu is in a very deep sleep. Anywhere else, well…Cthuluhu would still probably win in a fair fight. Jamie is a great fighter among men…sure, but he did lose his fighting hand. I wish Suvudu picked Daenerys to represent the Ice and Fire series…but alas they did not, so Cthuluhu really should win this.
Ummm…. How exactly did the votes go up by more than 2 thousand in the last 5 minutes? And gave Cthulhu 7% gain? Confused….
Yeah I just saw the 2,000 vote increase as well… dirty cheaters!
Would probably? Would definitely… If Cthulhu wakes, only characters that have a chance are Rand and Raistlin and -possibly- Roland if he still has the Horn.
There is a lot of delusional/unfair voting going for Jaime.
first thing we must do is getting rid of the dogmas.we are combining worldes with different rules.
using asshai books jame could kill the those who are not alive.the red prists has some control in this area-they reserect peple.ofcourse there might be a diffrence between the two,but there are creative solutions-jame can also insert life into cthulhu somehow and then violently take them back.it wouldnt “kill” the god,for its nature,but it will cast him away from the specific universes timeline,possobley temparery into the area of death.he can use his own,what would be halpfull in letting him pass throu the immortalitu-easier to control youre own life,and will be very afficiant,if concidering R’hllor bloody history.
stanis would to it better with his sword,but we will have to do with jame.
cthulu is asleap.its hes situation and a part of the character.its allsow the battle inviormant.just like aragorn cant summon the army of the dead and get gondors armies out of the sky.he can just keep it asleap-not fair,but cthulu isnt a faire opponent for a person eather.
and yes,he can use tirion,drizzet used other people his first suvudu fight.there are characters that are a part of the heros life and personality.its not whithout reason that he will talk to tirion before the battle-it is without reason that cthulu is in westrows by a coincidence.besides,he could have killed tht prists before the fight.
Did someone just smuggle a voting machine into R’lyeh, and now Cthulhu is voting once with each tentacle??
What the hell?
Cthulhu should be disqualified for cheating.
Wth?! 2,000 votes in a few minutes? Is Chtulu the gof of cheaters?
PS: Very nice story in the first posting. Great work!
People! People!
We’re looking into it. In the meantime, please rest assured that somehow Jaime is still winning against a monster that is both the size of a mountain and would crush a human’s mind like a blood-filled tick.
But until shenanigans can be proven, George Bush wins Flor…I mean we’re looking into it.
Agreed! 4 thousand votes over the last hour in 2 quick batches. I mean, seriously? Cheating makes this much less fun.
Wth?! 2,000 votes in a few minutes? Is Chtulu the god of cheaters?
PS: Very nice story in the first posting. Great work!
Uh…is a crazy Lovecraft fan holding a school hostage for parents’ votes somewhere? Has anyone heard about this on the news? Lol…wow.
Just want to point out that about the time the votes changed so dramitically, tor.com reported on this fight and George’s post–possible explanation in the surge.
2000 Jaime votes in 2 hours, guess the stackers aren’t one-sided.
Though no-one will complain about that, cause this contest is tainted by fanboys
C’thulu is actually real and woke up just enough to vote for himself!
Jamie Lannister remains the creation of George RR Martin, whose short story has inadvertently awakened him.
After he crushes Jamie with his thousands of votes, he’s gonna grab a sperm whale for dinner and go back to sleep.
dpomerico, I’m sure that you folks are doing everything you can, and that the poll people have at least some defenses against hacking. Given that the Shrike lost by 13 votes after a couple of surges like this, I’m guessing that these are real votes. Stunning, yes, but explanations like the one you provide are likely. At any rate, please tell us what you find.
I’m getting a kick out of how people are complaining that “GRRM fanboys” are ruining this contest. If it wasn’t some sort of popularity thing what is the point? Crown Cthulhu and move on, there would be no point to even try to discuss how a single human could topple a being the size of a mountain that induces a gripping fear just by being.
Ok, let’s go with the idea that Cthulhu is sleeping just for the fun of it… Does anyone realize that this makes it easier for Cthulhu to win? Why you ask? Because the only thing a sword swinger can do to harm Cthulhu is stick him with a sword. Heck let’s give him some siege weaponry just to give him a shot… If Cthulhu is asleep deep in R’lyeh, then little Jamie can’t do anything to him without breaking the seals and loosing Cthulhu onto the helpless universe. Cthulhu on the other hand is quite capable of sending dreams of horrid realities to the poor man which will eventually turn the strongest mind into gibbering mush.
all he has to do is prevent cthulhus awaking…he does not have to hurt it!
peace and prosperity to all^^
but about lyra,its ashame that she had no chance…since her soul is aotside her bodie,shes immune to the mind-incineratingt-horror thing.and she simpley gets the seals from the Alethiometer…
Cthulhu’s cheating?
Well, good. He/it needs something to balance out the ridiculous disadvantage of people voting against him just on a popularity basis or because it isn’t “fair” that Cthulhu’s in this tourneyment.
Go, Cthulhu, go!
Jaime wins. Why? Two words: Myrish swamp.
It’s funny how many fat gothy Lovecraft fans here haven’t even read the original story. Cthulhu gets defeated by nothing more than a boat ram. Jaime’s got a whole fleet of warships under his family’s control.
…interesting how their special attacks are basically the same…xD
Anyway, may I say, don’t let cheating Cthulhu get away with this, dishonorable squid! Half the gods are already gone. Only Aslan and Cthulhu remain. If they go down, at last we’ll be free of one-dimensional uber-characters we’re not supposed to be able to understand, much less accurately vote on in a tournament.
Go Cthulu! I love GRRM and ASOIAF but Jaime is a Poxy A$$ed Wh0r3
I agree. Has anyone else read the original Call of Cthulhu (which, I might add, is as far as I’ve heard the only Lovecraft text where Cthulhu is actually awake)?
Here’s what happens. A bunch of sailors find R’lyeh. They land, they open a big door, apparently to Cthulhu’s lair. A few get killed by tentacles and they run back to the ship. Cthulhu immediately pursues them, diving into the water and gaining…until it steers itself underneath them and gets plowed by the boat and chopped in half. It reforms, but returns to R’lyeh, which sinks immediately bank into the depths.
Note the lack of A) the sailors all losing their minds simultaneously (only a few are stricken); B) particular intelligence on Cthulhu’s part (wow, what’s that? Let’s get in front of it’s big sharp prow and see what happens!); and C) mystical superpowers.
I mean, the thing gets owned by a BOAT. Sure, it doesn’t die, but it definitely doesn’t keep going after them to kill them either. No, quite the contrary, Cthulhu zips on back to R’lyeh and plummets back into his watery grave. Woo! Wouldn’t want to face the fury of the terrible BOAT again!
Am I missing something here? Sure, Cthulhu’s a credible threat, but…I mean, unprepared sailors. Random boat. Come on.
And yet, for some reason, people keep on going on about Cthulhu like he’s this awesomely powerful thing. “The tournament was over the instant Cthulhu entered!” “Wow, Cthulhu! Nobody has any chance!” Is there some crapload of Cthulhu “fanfiction by more prominent authors” that I don’t know about? Does Cthulhu appear as anything other than a giant, telepathic space alien somewhere? Cthulhu was not a god in Lovecraft’s fiction. He was, as far as I remember, just a PRIEST of Lovecraft’s REAL gods to the Great Old Ones, who were themselves flesh-and-blood beings.
Can someone explain this to me, b/c it’s really tough to mesh everyone acknowledging “oh, of course, Cthulhu has to win” with the stories I’ve read (granted, I haven’t read all of Lovecraft’s tales: perhaps he changes his mind at some point).
Sorry. I agree with Eddy, not the “I
There’s some pretty obvious cheating going on here – but before it all started, Jaime was up 54-45 or something, with around 18,000 votes total.
Just so’s ya knows.
Samuel, thanks for the update. I’ve been wondering for some time just what Cthulhu can actually do, other than terrify, attack with tentacles, and squish. Although I’ve been able to find a couple of vague allusions that it’s supposed to eat the world, and was designed to destroy some god or other, it is not clear how it does this. Fine, it’s so vast that it demonstrates the infinitesimal significance of humanity in the cosmos, but several of the characters in this bracket would say “tell me something I didn’t already know”. So really, is this thing just some oversized calamari, and the frightening thing is how many people would die in cooking and eating it? What can it really do (assuming that it is awake, which has already been adequately covered)?
I voted for Jaime! I love A Song of Ice and Fire and I think Jaime is a very important character who has a lot to tell us
As I see it, Cthulhu is not just fighting Jaime here, he’s fighting the Lannisters, which just happens to come with Tyrion, who is probably one of the smartest characters out there. Very Machiavellian, and wouldn’t even blink at the thought of cheating. Jaime might not be as smart, but he certainly knows how to kill things. He’s so good at it he’s surpassed the gold armour and gone straight for the gold star. If there is a way out of it, or around it, it’ll be found. I think GRRM has it down. Obviously he knows these characters better than anyone and if they were going to find a way out of killing Cthulhu he would get them there.
Whether Cthulhu is a priest or a god or whatever, he’s still a beast of some kind, and even a god as a weak spot. Nothing is infallible. Except, maybe Mary Sue who is a charming klutz and ‘accidentally’ falls onto the right discarded shoe that causes the cliff to fall out from beneath the giant ugleh creature who at that moment was about to eat the soul of the brooding perfect boyfriend.
Yay, Tyrion is smart. That’s totally a basis for defeating that which is unknowable, and compared to which mankind has no meaning and no hope of understanding the true nature of things.
The point of Cthulhu – and the old ones – is that they are undefeatable. Yes, it’s silly that one happens to be in this competition, but it’s silly because they’d always win. Especially against a one-handed medieval fantasy character and his literate midget brother.
Um.. Cthulhu didn’t get “owned” by a boat. Johansen rammed into him, and just went right through him, and Cthulhu reconstituted. He didn’t pursue because the dudes the sailors killed on the Alert had not finished the rites to fully raise R’lyeh, and so it sank – to which Cthulhu had to return.
The voting really does seem to be a problem – something that the folks here at suvudu should probably look into. Seems it’s not just in this match either (see my post at http://wp.suvudu.com/2010/03/cage-match-2010-round-2-4-gandalf-versus-13-roland-deschain.html#comment-5682 for instance). Apparently, something’s going on that makes the voting an insult anyone who’d like to see this Cage Match format be FUN for everyone.
Shame on the ballot-box stuffers!!!
If we can get Kvothe and Jaime Lannister to the final round we will get a blurb-off between Patrick Rothfuss and George R. R. Martin! Come on people that would be awesome!