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Click here to see what author Naomi Novik thinks will happen
A Dragon And A Swordsman Walk Into A Bar–
“Only,” Temeraire said, “he is so very small.” He peered across the field at the lone man swinging around his sword. He did move it quite quickly, and he had a splendid hand made all out of gold, which flashed appealingly in the sunlight, but–well.
“I don’t see why you are complaining,” Iskierka said. “The last one was small, too.”
“But she was a sorceress,” Temeraire protested.
“Who tried to turn you into a cat,” Iskierka said. “Anyway, you had better win, because I don’t see Granby or Laurence anywhere here, either, and we shan’t be able to go on looking for them unless you do.”
“Well, of course I am going to win,” Temeraire said, but privately he could not help feeling that it was not very sporting. “But perhaps we might–fight in some other fashion,” he suggested, “which would be more fair?”
There was an odd sort of shimmer in the air around them and above the field, after he had spoken, and Iskierka jetted curls of steam from her spikes in disapproval. “Now you have gone and done it,” she said. “I ought to just have set him on fire; you know you cannot just go saying things in this place.”
“I do not mind in the least,” Temeraire said defiantly, because he was sure he would win a fair fight anyway; although privately he was forced to admit, in justice, that peculiar things did seem to happen in here.
The countryside where they were looked perfectly ordinary: rolling hills, streams, and there was always sure to be a cow or a sheep handy if one happened to grow hungry; only even if one flew for ages one did not seem to come across any towns, or farms, or anything outside these battles. And when the battles did begin, everything behaved even more strangely.
There had been quite an exciting moment in the first round, when that fellow Haplo had begun drawing those magical runes in mid-air. Temeraire would have liked to discuss them with him and to learn how to write them himself; if, that is, Haplo had not been trying to kill him with them at the time.
Temeraire had suffered a few anxious moments of dodging attacks–Iskierka’s commentary had not been in the least helpful–and things had seemed likely to go badly. But a lake had appeared quite out of nowhere at the start of the battle, which had given Temeraire the notion of driving the water over Haplo, to wash away his runes. The effect had been all one could have wished for, as evidently a certain sort of salt water drained Haplo’s magic, and had made the rest of the battle easy; so it seemed that whoever had organised these battles meant there to always be some chance, for either party.
This was evidently the case now as well: a mysterious fog had begun to spread across the battlefield.
“So I might as well have said it,” Temeraire added, in his defense, “for I am sure if I had just decided to leap on this new enemy, unfairly, it would turn out that his sword is poisoned, or there would be a trap of some sort, and it would all turn out badly.”
“Nonsense,” Iskierka said. “You might have just dropped a rock upon him; and I should like to see him make a trap big enough for you. Whatever is going on there?”
The fog had cleared away, and Temeraire flattened his ruff against his neck as he recognized the woman standing in the center of the field, by the white lock against her dark hair, and Haplo beside her. “Surely I needn’t fight you again,” he protested. He had not at all approved of being turned into a kitten, however briefly–even if it had turned out that a twenty-ton dragon transmogrified into a kitten still weighed twenty tons, and Polgara had a little carelessly been standing under him while casting her spell.
“No, of course not,” Polgara said crisply, turning to him. “Someone has to work out a level playing field for your next round, however, and determine a winner; so unless you have someone better in mind, we’ve been appointed.”
“But that is scarcely reasonable, when you have just finished being my enemies!” Temeraire protested.
“Certainly it is,” Polgara said. “We will be making the arrangements with Ser Lannister’s prior opponents.”
“It’s Lady Polgara, isn’t it?” a young woman with rather bushy hair asked, approaching from the other end of the field. “I had rather a question about the thaumaturgic theory behind the Will and the Word, could I ask you–”
“Perhaps after the battle, Hermione, dear,” Polgara said. “Now, then: does anyone have a suggestion for how Ser Lannister and Temeraire can meet on even ground?”
“I’ll take a moderately-sized army, and my choice of terrain?” Lannister said, joining the discussion. He cast a wary eye up at Temeraire. “Make that a large army.”
“I don’t see why you should have an army, when Temeraire hasn’t his crew,” Iskierka returned.
“The battle must be individual,” Polgara said.
“We might arm Lannister with magic weapons,” Haplo suggested.
“Oh!” Hermione said, enthusiastically, “and the Flame-Freezing Charm would keep fire from hurting him–”
“That shan’t be useful in the least; I don’t breathe fire,” Temeraire protested. “Ow!” He looked at Iskierka reproachfully; she had nipped him.
“It does not seem in the least fair to me that this person should get all sorts of help,” Iskierka said. “That is only cheating to help him, so it won’t be as though he were beating Temeraire at all.”
“He’s a damned dragon!” Lannister said. “How else do you expect me to face him?”
There was a brief moment of hideous, unfathomable silence–a shuddering void of horror that was not speech nor the absence of speech but its negation. Pitiless and incomprehensible, it yet spawned a kind of meaning which crept slithering like some unnatural gasping nameless thing formed of primordial elements into the back of the mind.
“Well, I suppose that would work,” Hermione said, after Cthulhu had finished speaking.
“I don’t understand,” Temeraire said, doubtfully. “What is ‘reality television’?”
#
“We have to be able to form an educated opinion,” Polgara said.
“But Gong Su isn’t here to cook for me,” Temeraire protested. “Also, the Quickfire Challenges would be very unfair, as anyone could see it must take longer to make a dish in my size.” He raised his objections a little regretfully; he had quite enjoyed the episodes which Hermione had shown them as examples, although he would have liked to be able to taste the food, and not merely watch it being prepared.
“It seems to me we might devise reasonable Roadblocks,” Haplo suggested. “Where any particular challenge did not suit either opponent, we might use Detours to–”
“I am not racing a pair of dragons around the world,” Lannister said flatly.
There was a pause, which slowly filled with a creeping, hideous awareness, as a basin gradually filling with some corrupted essence from an unseen subterranean source.
Everyone blanched and said, “No!” in unison.
Cthulhu sulked. He was extremely fond of Dancing With The Stars.
“I suppose we had better just go straight for the big one,” Hermione said.
#
Temeraire peered down at the small black pole. “And I sing into THIS?” he said, lowering his head towards it, and pulled his head back startled as his voice went abruptly very loud.
“Yes, exactly,” Hermione said encouragingly, from behind the judges’ table, with her ears covered. “Only not so close, I don’t think.”
“This is blazingly idiotic,” Lannister said. “What the hell do I know about singing?”
“If you prefer, dear, we can go back to the one-on-one fight,” Polgara said, in a deceptively calm tone.
Lannister glared at her and muttered, “Witch,” under his breath.
Abruptly, the lights dimmed, another extremely bright one shone directly into Temeraire’s eyes, and as he winced away a voice behind him said, “Tonight, America, your finalists face their toughest challenge yet. They’ve made it through the first two rounds, all the way to the quarterfinals. But which one will continue on to the next round? The choice is yours. This… is [TRADEMARK CENSORED].”
There was a great deal of very loud jangling music and even more of the flashing lights, all of which abruptly cut off as Polgara raised a hand and said, “Quiet.” She lowered it again. “Why don’t you just go ahead and sing something, dear,” she said to Temeraire.
“Oh,” Temeraire said, “what ought I sing?” He was quite sure that Spanish Ladies would not do; Laurence had often chided the men for singing it where a lady should hear, but perhaps Roast Beef of Old England, which, he brightened as he realized, would be a little like the other show about cooking, and so Polgara was sure to like it–
The host looked at him. “Do you want our ratings to tank? Let’s try for something from this century.”
“But that is from this century,” Temeraire protested, but evidently the century had been altered, which did not seem fair; he was offered a list instead, of wholly unfamiliar songs, and rather doubtfully selected one after listening to it through; it seemed quite pretty.
“Just watch the Teleprompter,” the host said.
“Did you ever know that you’re my hero,” Temeraire sang, peering at the little screen. “And everything I would like to be–”
He had never tried much singing before–when he had traveled at sea, the men on board did not very well like it if he joined in, as he could not much help but be louder; and one could not very conveniently sing while flying. He was pleased to find it not very difficult, although he did accidentally break into a small–quite a small–roar, in the last chorus, the bit about flying higher than an eagle.
His roar caused the brightly lit sign in the back of the stage to shatter; and also several of the lamps shining down upon him exploded into sparks, and the judges were all forced to dive beneath the desk while the fire was put out; but Temeraire did not see that anyone could blame him for that. Anyway, once order was restored, he finished the song with, he felt, a flourish, and sat back expectantly for the results.
“Pitchy,” Haplo said.
“It was not!” Temeraire said indignantly.
“That’s what one says, as I understand it.” Haplo shrugged. “I’m a wizard, not a musician.”
Temeraire flattened back his ruff and looked at Polgara. “It’s a charming song,” she said, calmly. “And you sang it very nicely.”
“That,” Temeraire said, injured, “is just the sort of thing one would say if one only meant to be polite, and didn’t like it at all; but I cannot see that you have anything to complain of, and I sang it much better than only nicely, I am sure.”
“We’re the judges, dear, you oughtn’t argue with us,” Polgara said, which Temeraire did not understand at all, when they were plainly wrong.
Cthulhu then conveyed his own boundless and infinite approval of the performance, and also somehow the impression that Temeraire’s soul would be exceptionally delicious, which was at once gratifying and unpleasant; then Hermione said, flatly, “Well, it’s a bit schmaltzy, isn’t it? Not what anyone would like to hear on pop radio these days–”
“Radio?” Temeraire said.
“It’s not current, is all I’m saying,” Hermione said. “You could at least have done the Weird Sisters or U2 or something.”
Temeraire rather despondantly retired to the side–there was no room backstage for a dragon–and watched Lannister take his turn. And brightened rapidly, as it turned out that Jaime Lannister, while he might be a splendid swordsman, could not sing in the slightest. He had chosen a very peculiar song, all about this girl named Lola, and a pub of some sort, called the Copacabana. Temeraire was rather envious of the elaborate clothing which Lannister had been given to wear, however–no one had offered him anything like a fringe, or sparkling beads.
Lannister also seemed to realize things were not going well, because he stopped short of the end and merely threw up his arms, exasperated, and said, “There, that’s enough; damn you all, I have my dignity.” He looked down at his clothing. “What’s left of it.”
“Pitchy,” Haplo said again, this time without so much as looking up from the tome he had conjured to read.
Polgara had a rather peculiar expression on her face, as though she were tasting something not very pleasant. “I’ve heard better from Garion when he was drunk,” she said.
Cthulhu applauded perhaps even more enthusiastically for Lannister, but Hermione made up for that quite thoroughly by saying, “That was utterly atrocious. It was a bit like–a cat being murdered slowly, if we were the cat.”
“So I have won!” Temeraire said, jubilantly, only to be interrupted by the host reappearing like a jack-in-the-box on the stage and saying, “And now it’s up to you, America! Which contestant will make it through to the next rounds? The lines are open now!”
Temeraire deflated, and settled in to wait.
#
The voting seemed to be taking a very long time. “Mayn’t we just declare me the winner yet?” Temeraire said, nudging Hermione a little.
“Er, well,” Hermione said. She was using a sort of magical box called a laptop. “According to this website, Lannister’s taken an early lead, I’m afraid.”
“What?” Temeraire said, appalled.
Hermione looked rather furtively over her shoulder, at where Lannister was standing with a tall, beautiful woman who looked very like him, speaking to her in low voices. “He’s really good-looking?”
“But what has that to do with singing?” Temeraire said. “Surely no one of sense could vote for such a dreadful performance.”
“Rather a lot of the voters are tweens?” Hermione said.
Temeraire crept away, rather staggered, and told Iskierka the dreadful news. She snorted and sat up. “This is the outside of enough; we will never find Granby and Laurence like this,” she said, and stalked over to speak with Hermione.
Temeraire did not see what there was to be done; the contest itself had ended, and they could not change anything about it, nor–what Temeraire most keenly felt unfair–did it seem as though there were a change which would have made any difference, if Lannister were only winning because he were handsome. It was not, Temeraire thought, injured, as though he were not himself generally held a handsome dragon, which one might have thought would count for something, in such a case–but perhaps dragons did not vote in this contest.
Shortly they were summoned back to the stage, to hear the verdict: the cheerful, impersonal voice announced brightly, “The voters have spoken, and the winner is–”
Temeraire sighed.
“–Temeraire!”
There were a great many small bits of paper suddenly falling all over him, wedging inconveniently into his harness; Temeraire snorted and shook his head, rather taken aback.
“Pray don’t think I am in the least ungrateful,” he said to Hermione, when he had managed to clear enough of them away, “but I thought Lannister was far out in front?”
“That was before I had her post the information that he mates with his sister to those people in the box, the ones at TMZ,” Iskierka put in smugly, and crisped away a swath of the little bits of paper with a small gout of flame.
The practice did not seem very sensible, as it was sure to cause problems with the eggs, but Temeraire did not entirely see what it had to do with singing, either, so he could not help but feel this equally improper grounds for victory, particularly as it had all been Iskierka’s doing. He wrestled with his conscience–certainly he had to go on and find Laurence, that was of all things the most necessary. But he could not help thinking–when he should find Laurence, and Laurence should ask how Temeraire had found him, that it would be quite awkward if he were to have to confess victory by such means.
“No; I cannot allow it to do,” Temeraire said, reluctantly. “I shall offer him a rematch: anyway I would quite like to try that other song, that one about one’s heart going on–” He turned decisively to speak to Lannister, and startled to hear a rather awkward wet thump.
“Oh–oh, no,” Temeraire said distressed, pulling away his hind leg and looking down. Lannister was–rather flattened. “Whyever was he standing just there, where I could not see–” Then Temeraire looked a little more closely: Lannister’s sword had been in his hand, and there was a stain of faintly glowing, greenish ichor upon the blade.
Temeraire looked reproachfully at Cthulhu, who conveyed a shrug like the rough slouch of some inescapably monstrous and amorphous beast, its flesh rippling with horrors. He approved of evil, after all.
“It is just as well,” Iskierka said. “Now, if you are quite done being absurd, perhaps we can move on? I do not like to think what may have happened to Granby in all this time.”
How we think the fight will go
The crowds are quiet when the knight and the dragon enter the ring, whether because of the early hour or the gravity of the situation, it would be hard to say. Temeraire insisted that they begin at dawn, and Jaime, having no love for rising early but neither any desire to prolong the matter, agreed.
He has come in light armor, studded along the left side with throwing daggers–the best he can do for ranged combat without a bow. The crowd adores him. When he strides into the center of the arena, a murmur ripples through the stands, like a woman’s sigh. He expects this will be a challenging match; Temeraire has defeated two powerful sorcerers so far. Jaime eyes the dragon from across the field, a black, gleaming mountain. The Kingslayer thinks of his previous opponent and shudders.
The buzzer has yet to sound, but Temeraire seems to be preparing something–Is that allowed? Jaime wonders. The sunrise glints off of an iron kettle, as a large bowl is poured for the dragon, and a tray prepared with… a teapot?
The tray with the steaming cup is carried across to him by one of the men. Jaime eyes it and doesn’t drink. Do they take him for a fool?
After a moment, the dragon–speaks. It has startlingly crisp diction. “Only I thought,” the dragon says, with a doubtful air, “that it would be more civilized if we drank tea together, first?” He pauses, seemingly uncomfortable now. “I thought, you know, from one warrior to another…”
Jaime doesn’t move. The silence stretches awkwardly. Temeraire lets out a long sigh. “Very well, then,” he says, and just as the buzzer resounds over the field, the dragon unfolds his wings and rises up over Jaime.
But Jaime is already running, trying to circle around the dragon to get the rising sun at his back. He feels air rush past him as the low-flying beast swipes at him with a claw and drops to the ground, rolling under the bite he knew was coming–the claw was a feint. The beast would have made an excellent swordsman, he thinks, and flings one of his daggers up into the dragon’s mouth as he finishes his roll. He is gratified to hear an anguished roar behind him and jumps up, grateful for the thousandth time that he listened to his brother’s advice to forego the plate armor. He draws his sword as he stands, feeling the heat of dawn on his back.
Temeraire has retreated to the other side of the field. There are no rocks for him to throw, Jaime notes, nor trees for him to uproot. Bias on the part of the tournament managers? He waits to see what the dragon will do. He knows about the divine wind; he has a plan.
Sure enough, the dragon is hovering in midair, seemingly filling his lungs to bursting, and Jaime strikes, running toward the behemoth to slice open his inflated belly. His way is clear. He smiles, already feeling the warm glow of the crowd’s adulation–
And then the sword strikes something hard amongst the scales, rebounding with all the force of Jaime’s initial blow, knocking him back. There is an enormous and sudden weight on him: Temeraire has put his hind leg down over his body.
“Of course, a member of His Majesty’s Aerial Corps always keeps his tack in good order,” Temeraire says. Jaime has just enough time to see the dark chain links protecting the dragon’s belly like a coat of mail before the dragon crushes away his life.
Predicted Winner: Temeraire
( Temeraire is a character from Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series; Jaime Lannister is a character from George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series.)
Watch the video recap for the Round 2 matches featuring these characters!
If there is any justice in the SF&F genre Temeraire will win. That’s all I’m going to say. But remember – I’m watching you – all of you.
I only have two words to say about this match (wild fire), all jamie needs to do to win is fling a nice tall glass of green fiery death at said dragon, and the match is over.
Although i am for jamie i still think that Naomi’s short story thing was a good peice of work.
Hope GRRM counters with one of his own.
I don’t even understand why this is causing so much controversy. It is obvious that the dragon would beat the kingslayer, but it is also obvious that Jaime has a horde of fans that will vote him to victory, just like in his match against Cthulu, who would have won a fight without even trying, but Jaime fans voted him into the quarter finals. Just accept that Jaime will win this round even if he logically wouldn’t win the real fight.
There is not much justice in GRRM version of SF&F. Just cold hard reality. The Fact is this dragon is just to goody goody to win the day. The fact is Jamie can bring a whole host to bear on this poor thing. Jamie will charm the beast then when the time is right. Kill the beast and wear its hide for Armor. His head will be hanging up with the rest of the Dragons at Kings Landing.
Loved Novik’s story, VERY entertaining, however it was too ridiculous to make me vote for Temeraire, poor thing. I love Tememeraire, but he’s up against a Lannister … who really needs practise against dragons. I can’t see Jaime losing. Plus I reallllllly want a GRRM/Rothfuss showdown. *votes for Jaime*
Love it.
And I still haven’t voted. I’d like to have an excuse to vote for Jaime but if GRRM doesn’t respond then I’ll have no choice but to vote for the dragon… at the very last minute.
Maybe it kill celestial dragons on the spot
Temeraire is not a beast, as Jaime isn’t a monkey
Too bad this IS a popularity contest.
There is way too much bias in here and unfairness. And in my opinion, the descriptions do NOT reflect sound judgment on character achievements and powers! Perhaps, this should be judged by outside judges impartial to the universes of the characters.
In reality, this knight wouldn’t have lasted a sec in Naomik’s universe. No offense, to Jaime’s fans, but this is a cold FACT. (BTW, Naomi we love you!
This is ridiculous. No matter how good Jaime is, Temeraire is simply too big for a single knight to defeat. A sword is nothing but a toothpick to him: he’s large enough to have eaten full-grown elephants for breakfast. Not only that, but he has armor to protect him from even the insignificant scratches Jaime could give him.
I love Jaime, and I love Temeraire, so I show no favoritism here, only logic, which I wish the rest of you would use.
besides the fact that i love ASOIAF, i really really want all of the massively overpowered dragons, wizards and gods out of this
it can get boring when every match ends with “and then he killed him with balefire. the end”
Wildfire + dragon = crispy dead dragon.
Am pretty sure Jaime knows it too
I agree.
That was an awesome piece by Naomi. I am a huge fan of George RR Martin’s literature, but this vote goes to Temeraire. He definitly would win a singing contest against Jaime.
Besides, I don’t think that George would write a sum up this time. Simply because this match hits too close to home of what he probably will have to write about one day anyway. We don’t want any spoilers how Westeros will or can defeat Dany’s dragons, right?
I agree completely. Naomi’s write up was so entertaining that i had to vote for Temeraire. But mark my words, Jamie Lannister is going to win this whole freakin tournament. People will get sick of guys like Rand and Drizzt, and the biggest jack off on this list is going to win. And i would love to see it lol
Had to vote Jamie. Not because I think he would win, but because I think it’s ridiculous that Temeraire beat Polgara.
Why not vote for Jaime? He is apparently indestructible. Despite his condition in the last book that Martin published (how many years ago now? Seriously man I love this series so much please release another book) one handed, fighting with his off hand which he is terrible at. All Jaime has going for him in any of these matches is character and if that is how we are voting, he may well win this competition.
I had to vote for Jaime after reading Novik’s write up. American Idol? Really? That was just lame. Martin’s write-ups for the first two rounds were awesome because they tried to be serious in a silly situation. Novik chose to take a silly situation and make if freakin’ ridiculous.
t must be remembered that “defeating” Temeraire does not require overpowering the dragon himself, but merely capturing and holding hostage his captain, Will Laurence.The sneaky, underhanded, conniving Lannisters can certainly accomplish this with ease — a diversionary feast on the eve of the fight, followed by a midnight abduction of Laurence, and then the discreet delivery of an appropriately threatening note to the dragon. With Laurence securely in the hands of Tyrion and his men, a dagger (not necessarily of Valyrian steel) conveniently held at his throat, all Jaime has to do on the morning of the fight is to walk onto the field of honor and accept Temeraire’s surrender.
Seriously, do you really expect the Kingslayer to play fair?
After the first Round results it was abundantly clear that this is nothing but a popularity contest. Temeraire couldn’t have beat Haplo 1 time in 1,000. So who cares if he genuinely would be able to win this Round? I’ll vote for Jaime.
Would have voted for Temeraire, because honestly how can a one handed swordsman beat a dragon? Naomi’s take on how Temeraire would do it was delightful and funny and very Temeraire.
There is no ridiculous things. N. Novik has intently written a funny text. This poll isn’t serious, because popularity and fanbases make characters wins against other characters they couldn’t beat in a fight. You just don’t like the Temeraire series
your right.wyldfire will seal the battle.
it will give jame a strong,possibly long ranged weapon,that can Scorch down the dragon when he gets down for the attack without dangering himself.the dragons wings will catch fire and become a death trap.
he can also bring a horse and a lance-
the ragon has to go down to attack.jame is riding towards him.if the dragon is using a streat down diving jame will pull the lance up,tearing the wing out,ant if he will for the front,jame would pull the lance downright to the eye.at the very least he can jumep from the horce and screach him.wont do much deamage,but a teared wing dosent deal well with air…
when temeraire will tray to fly the air going through the hole will open it from the arm down,taking his hight addentage and taking him damadge wile beating the ground.
temeraire wont be able to run away from the lance…he is big.he cant change directions quickly wile attacking.
about the crossbow-the trick is to dazzle the dragon wile shooting at his vulnerable partsusing mirrors attached to the armor.this technique was used in reality by light cavalary armies.it wont blind him,but it will gove jame the second he needs to get the advantage.
climbing on the back is another good way to make a dragon helpless.james valarian steel might notpenetrate the havy armor on most of the dragon,but it will slash easily through the neck and maby the belly.
anyway,wyldfire is an unstable material…
if the dragon will break the bottle in the attack-they will both die.his unlikely not too-a clear advantage to jame.
Temeraire acts just like a spoiled cat in Nowik’s books! No problems for Jaime beating him with his hand(s) tied.
and then, Temeraire makes a kamehameha and Jaime is reduced to ashes
its unlikely that a dragon that cant use fire can unleash enegy bursts.can she?
*he
@AHEM
“Please, everyone, if you believe in factoring any sort of logic into these matches and not just letting them be a popularity contest, you have an obligation to make sure that Temeraire is victorious.”
Logic, shmogic. The vast majority of us are voting for the Characters we like, not the most powerful characters. Everything after that is just a creative exercise to figure out how it could happen. For me, the historical evidence in the form of the stories told, that hen a dragon and a Knight meet in combat, despite overwhelming odds, the knight wins, almost every time.
ASOIAF fan calling on fellow fans to acknowledge the Field of Fire and vote dragon.
the power f fire is in this case on jame’s sideas well as valarian steel,lance experience and brains…
this dragon is big,he is powerfull but he cant realy win the fight…
not with ease at least.
and as i said,bigger means less likely to change directions quickly wile diving from the air.he has to plan his attack ahead right to the point he reaches a safe place high above-fatal mistake against a lance.
wungs are easy to cut,and in high velocity they go with the arm.if it has a hole it cuts from itself wile flying.
once on the grownd he is only a beast.one blow to the eye or to the neak and his dead.same if jame reaches his beack-a simple task with a horse.his grownded.his vulnerable.and if he attackes-he is stabbed,if not burned to ashes by wyldfire with his foe…
wich is,by the way another thing jame could use at the first minute to get a simple victory-wyldfire burnes in whater.it goes through and inside metal.its magical…
no dragon has enough armor to block it.
oh,and like greek-fire it can be used as a flame-thrower…
and dragons can be dazzled just like humans to go near to.
so long for the crossbow need.
These are works of fiction. These characters aren’t actually going to fight to validate any “this character is more powerful, of course they’re going to win, NERDRAGE!”.
If fictional characters weren’t able to take down more powerful fictional characters, there’d never be any debate over Superman VS Batman.
Wow, I really should have have posted that in the Roland vs Rand comments section. That place is nuts!
I HAVE to applaud Emmit Svenson for his post:
Emmit Svenson | March 25, 2010 10:51 AM |
I guess I could imagine Jaime winning this one.
“They say Aegon Dragonbane poisoned his dragons, but not what the bastard used. The Tears of Lys? The Strangler? Sweetsleep? Greycap?” Jaime shrugged. “I tossed them all in a pot and called it Casterly Rock tea. The scaley wretch didn’t seem to like the smell much, but he drank it to be polite.”
This is a simple and elegant solution. Jamie can’t win by bow because he couldn’t use it with one hand (aside from that, he doesn’t like bows)
He couldn’t win by lance because fighting with a lance takes as much skill and training as any other weapon and Jamie lost his Lance Hand with his Sword Hand.
Vayrian Steel is NO magic sword stuff. It is tougher and sharper lighter than normal steel. That’s all.
He could’t win by wildfire. The dragon hase first to be hit by the stuff (he’s flying, not sleeping) and second: 20 tons of dragon don’t burn so fast. He would have enough time to rip a mere human apart. (aside from that, I think that Jamie likes wildfire even less than bows…)
BUT he could win by poison. Temeraire is vain and honorable and polite. He could very well accept the offered “Tea” and drink it. (Besides, Casterly Rock Tea sounds like a great name for a cocktail!!).
So, let’s poison the sweet, honorable dragon so that Jamie survives another day and can someday hopefully lope Cerseis head off…
“A Dragon.” Jaime snorted. “From little girls to gods to dragons. Missing Magicians I suppose.”
There was no one to respond to him, besides the jeering crowd, who were jeering just loud enough so that he could barely hear himself. Across the arena two great doors swung open, and indeed, a dragon stepped out.
Jaime groaned in his mind at the size of the thing. Massive and dark like the grey north waters, it was clearly all business for this match. There was no helping it though, this was not a fight he could run from, and if death came to claim his debts, so wanted to pay up with his sword at the ready.
He looked up one last time at the darkening sky, the open air of the arena as the dragon approached, unhurried and purposeful. Satisfied that he had glimpsed the last bit of the world he would need, he moved forward.
That was the moment when the woman jumped down from the crowd onto the earthen arena floor. A girl, really, slight but beautiful, with a funny sort of familiarity about her, as if Jaime knew her sister or mother or aunt. The crowd hushed in an instant, even the dragon seemed taken aback at the thought of crushing a creature so innocent in appearance. She walked straight towards him, ignoring the eerie silence, and most impressively, the mountainous body of death now at her back.
“Kingslayer, I presume.” She said curtly upon reaching him. “Promise me your arm, your body, and your mind, and this-” she motioned towards the beast, who had paused in confusion. “shall trouble you no more. Join my Khalasar. Or face the dragon alone.”
The temporarily stifled creature seemed to regain its senses then, and began to close the gap in the arena with terrifying surety. Jaime did not think long.
“Done.” He uttered, with no small loss to his pride. From defeating little girls to being saved by them, the irony was not lost on him.
Neither was the situation lost on the girl. She turned calmly to face the beast, and spoke words in a tongue he could not make out to it, slowly and surely, all the while advancing. When she reached the enormous head, it bowed to her, and she stroked softly its great jaw.
If its a fair one-on-one fight then Jaime can’t win. No way can a single person beat a 50 ton dragon. But when has Jaime ever fought fair. He would take Laurence captive and use that to his advantage to make Temmeraire forfeit the match. Or befriend temeraire offerings of books a then poison him.
Temeraire would win hands down if this was a realistic martial contest, so I’m voting for Jaime just to see the RAGE from the Temeraire fans.
Suck on that, bitches.
This is your classic Superman VS Batman matchup.
An honourable Boy Scout against the biggest Combat Pragmatist known to mankind next to Captain Samuel Vimes. Oh, and did we mention that the latter is not a nice man at all, and that he is a very adequate Chessmaster? (In Jaime’s case, Tyrion fulfills that role)
I’m voting for Batman.
If theres anything fantasy has taught us, knight > dragon. I’m not saying Jaime will fight fair, just that he’ll WIN.
Wildfire catapult manned by Tyrion whilst Jaime is distracting Temeraire seems the best bet to me….
Also -
“According to all of GRRM’s write-ups, he will forever be impossibly well-equipped and everyone, their grandmother, dog, and extra-dimensional companion will help him in his endeavors because he’s just “ZOMG! SO WELL CONNECTED!” GRRM’s a fanboy for his own work, and it makes me want to see Jaime put in his place that much more.”
Say what? The only person who’s helped Jaime so far has been Tyrion… Not to mention Jaime is DESPISED in Martin’s world. People have been hanged just for associating with him! ……..;_;
I’ve read a lot of comments that seem to equate raw power advantage with automatic victory.
You know, some people put brain over brawn. Yes, even Jaime, who’s arguably the least typically scheming bastard of the Lannisters. The thing is, that doesn’t make him a woobie or a complete idiot.
Jaime isn’t going to barge headfirst into a deathmatch against a freaking dragon the size of a small town. That would be suicidal. He’s going to have to think about the fight beforehand, precisely because Temeraire is bigger, stronger and able to fly. Jaime is smart enough to know brute force isn’t going to cut it this time, and to plan accordingly.
In that respect, I can see him losing to Drizzt, for example, because that would be a purely physical fight, and Drizzt, even if Jaime had both hands, is a better swordman, and smart enough not to be easily tricked (of course, the Red Wedding would be a picnic compared to what Tyrion would do once he caught up with Drizzt, and his friends, and his neighbours, and his pets, and…)
As I said in my first comment, if Temeraire has a weak point that can be exploited, Jaime is going to find it (be it by asking Tyrion for some insight, be it by buying Varys’s information) and use and abuse it without hesitation.
That, and, in a fight knight versus dragon, narrative casualty sides with the knight.
People saying that generally knights beat dragons… Please, just stop. Find one example where the dragon hasn’t already killed hundreds of fool knights, making its defeat story-worthy. If you can, I’ll vote Jaime. That is what stories do, they tell of great deeds. From a dragon perspective it would be somewhere closer to-
“Day 2,489,386,963: Killed another knight, this one thought a shield of solid gold would protect him. It looks very nice on top of the pile of steel shields. I think I’ll sleep some more.”
I’ll probably jump on the bandwagon and vote Jaime anyway, he’s definitely cooler than Temeraire.
Ah, but none of THOSE knights were main characters! Nor did they have the advantage of being Jaime Lannister, the Kingslayer.
I agree he did throw Bran out the window and I hated him at first but once his sword hand got cut off, he rescued Brianne and pretty much told his sweet sister to f**ck herself at the end of the 4th book well I kinda like him now. He’s always had my vote
Wait a second, everybody. You all forget that living in Westeros gave Jaime the ample time to master the universe’s ultimate weapon: “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.”
Jaime wins American Idol and slays the dragon with “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.”
About the coolness, it’s a matter of point of view:)
The fact is: In popularity, Jaime wins;
In a fight, Temeraire wins.
I think it’s time to start moving on here. Chances are that we’re looking at Jaime vs. Kvothe in the semis. I strongly suspect a great deal of overlap between the GRRM and Rothfuss fanbases, with an edge to GRRM for longevity, but a contravening advantage to Rothfuss for a character with superior power, and a match for Lannister cunning. Who will win that battle, and how? Will we see a blurb-off between the two authors?
You’re mistaken, Jeesy; Novik’s style in the Temeraire books is modelled after the writing of the period (the books being a Napoleonic-era AU) and that of the ‘Master and Commander’ books (written more recently but set in that era) in terms of both dialogue and descriptive prose.
It may not read like an excerpt from a contemporary novel, but it’s not supposed to. She’s MORE than capable of writing in a more modern and naturalistic style – but the Temeraire books are written in a rather more formal manner.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the grammar – I should be fascinated to hear you substantiate the assertion that it’s flawed.
I haven’t read the Temeraire books, but I have to admit that the basic idea of introducing not just dragons, but politically active dragons into the Napoleonic era is just brilliant. Unfortunately, I have very little patience for 19th century English dialogue, lost it somewhere in the middle of Sons and Lovers some decades ago. So, I give Novik credit for serious fictional innovation, but at the same time recognize that the dialogue would preclude me from finishing the first book. It probably is accurate for the period, but I have no love for that particular portion of history, which is way overportrayed on PBS.
It’s pretty easy, actually…Jaime “rides in” on a strange mount, which will be revealed later as a camouflaged ballista, and a luck shot will win the match.
Remember Jaime has killed a dragon before. After all he is the Kingslayer.
this is bull nothing but a popularity contest jaime shuoldn’t even be here…