Stupid paleontologists and their stupid theories…
Looks like they were right, though.
That big hole we call the Gulf of Mexico probably was the sight of the meteor that crashed into the Earth and exterminated the dinosaurs. Because now there’s a new gulf where most of Southern China once took up space. The shockwave had been massive–tremors were felt all over the globe. At least three separate tsunamis crashed into the Western shore of North America; luckily the Rockies were there to stop the mile-high waves. Most of the nations that touched upon the Pacific or Indian Oceans were now just names in whatever books were still around.
There weren’t that many books anymore.
You know this because you’re currently using a copy Fahrenheit 451 as tinder. You’d delight in the irony, if you weren’t so hungry, cold, and scared out of your mind.
Because those nations that took the direct impact of the meteor and its immediate aftermath? Those were the lucky ones, because they were killed instantly.
You, however, were lucky. You lived far enough away to feel the effects without actually experiencing them. You lived far enough away to think you were safe.
You lived.
But what’s that really mean, now? It means that you’re a dinosaur. You could go up to your neighbors and say “Hello, my name is stegosaurus,” and not be lying (although you might be crazy–which you very well might be). Except you can’t go up to your neighbors–they’ll shoot you on sight. They used to offer you pie. Now, simply because you’re alive and need resources, are a threat.
You look up from your fire at the sky. Or rather, at what used to be the sky. Now it’s a roiling cloud. You don’t know if it’s day or night–you haven’t known in a long time. There hasn’t been rain in a long time–no sun means no evaporation, so despite the cold, the world is slowly becoming a desert. A desert filled with starving, maddened people.
You hear a noise–is it that pack of children you ran off before? You’re sure you can still scare them with your shotgun, but you’re not sure how for how long. At some point the kids will be too hungry, and then one of them will put together the fact that they out-number you twenty-to-one.
You take a bite of a Twinkie, thinking it would have been better to be dinosaur.
Then you wouldn’t be realize how much you miss the sun.
Then you wouldn’t have memories of a time before humans were obsolete.
Stupid paleontologists…
What do you do?
1. Listen to world’s saddest song played on the world’s smallest violin, you big baby.
2. Start pretending to be a dinosaur. Amuse yourself trying to reach for things with your T-Rex arms.
3. Grab your shotgun and take advantage of your neighbors hospitality…by force.
4. Let the children eat you, so that the species might survive at least one more generation.
