SF & Fantasy

Cage Match–Villains!: 22) The Reaper versus 26) Dr. Horrible


The Contestants


The Reaper.jpg

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DrHorrible.jpg

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The Reaper
Relentless Killing Demon
Age: Unknown
Race: Demon
Weapons / Artifacts: Claws, fear itself
Special
Attack:
Claw Attack!

Dr. Horrible
“Super” Villain
Age: 35
Race: Blogger
Weapons / Artifacts: A Death Ray powered by Wonderflonium
Special
Attack:
Trolling, Flame War, Show Tunes

The Breakdown

Advantages

  • Killing is the sole function of the Reaper’s existence
  • Seven feet tall
  • Incredibly strong
Advantages

  • The newest member of Bad Horse’s Evil League of Evil, the premiere supervillain’s union
  • Willing to sacrifice anything–well, almost anything–to be a great supervillain
  • Has a PhD in Horribleness
Disadvantages

  • His one-track mind makes it hard for him to form lasting relationships
Disadvantages

  • Apt to break into heartfelt song expressing his innermost feelings at any moment
Kills

  • Megatron
  • Now he’s less than meets the eye

Kills

  • Pennywise
  • There’s never been a better time to move to Derry


How we think the fight will go

Dr. Horrible should be having the time of his life.

Ever since he defeated Pennywise, his blog’s Technorati rating has skyrocketed, his inbox is overflowing with fanmail, and he’s won hundreds of new Twitter followers. And the other day Bad Horse—the Thoroughbred of Sin Himself—actually became his Facebook friend.

The e-mails just kept on coming. From CobraCommander10@aol.com: “Forget the Evil League of Evil…Come put your talents to work for COBRA!”

And a mysterious personage known only as M texted him: “Join me. With your genius at my side, Holmes will be no more!”

It is everything Horrible has ever dreamed of: notoriety, infamy, a link from BoingBoing.

And yet he is beginning to wish that Pennywise had driven him safely, comfortingly insane, so that he would be unaware of the dread horror about to befall him.

After all, it’s just hours before his battle with the Reaper, and Horrible still has no idea how to defeat him.

For the thousandth time, he reads over the Wikipedia page for the Elfstones of Shannara without understanding a word: “Wil destroyed the Reaper by focusing the power of the Elfstones upon his cloaked face…”

If only he had read those Shannara books that Penny had given them—her favorite books, she said!

No, if only I had a frakking Elfstone, whatever that is…He’s Googling “Elfstone” when he’s interrupted by a beep from his iPhone.

And then another. And then another.

In another sign of his growing Internet fame, he’s attracted an honest-to-goodness cyberstalker. “FrankenFan75” has e-mailed him over 100 all-caps declarations of his undying, passionate fandom. He comments dozens of times on every post. And he won’t stop sending Horrible those nauseating little FarmVille gifts.

FrankenFan75 has been texting Horrible all day:

ZOMG CANT WAIT 2 MEET U GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE

DR HORRIBLE + FRANKENFAN BFFs 4-EVA :P

I HOPE UR AS CUTE IN PERSON AS U ARE ONLINE ;)

Dr. Horrible thought he was afraid—that last text, in particular, made his blood run cold, as if he had been zapped by his own Freeze Ray—but then the Reaper arrived.

Dr. Horrible’s basement lab had never felt so cold, so lonely, so silent, as when that dark, hooded figure entered. The Reaper’s shadow fell on him, and Horrible knew that he was facing the last moments of his life…

Then the Reaper emits the most horrifying sound he has ever heard.

SSSSSSSSSQQQQQUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The Reaper runs across the room and sweeps Horrible up in a big, foul-smelling glomp.

He says, in a voice as chill as cloudy skies over a funeral, “I am totally your biggest fan. I love what you and your blog are doing for supervillains! We are just so misunderstood.”

“Really? Um, well…gee, thanks!” Horrible says. He is still not altogether certain he is not about to die.

When Horrible still looks absolutely terrified, the Reaper asks gently, “So you don’t know who I am?”

“Um…the very last thing I’ll see before I die in incredible pain?”

“I’m FrankenFan 75! I’m your number one fan!” If it’s possible for a void of pure shadow to wear a grin, the Reaper just might possibly be grinning. “In fact, all of the villains in the Cage Match love you. We agree you’re doing very important work…

“In fact, I’m willing to let you pass to the next level of the draw…on one condition.”

“What is it?” Dr. Horrible is afraid it might be a fate worse than death.

“Let me be a guest star on your video blog!”

Actually, it kind of is a fate worse than death.

“Okay…What would you like to do on the show?”

The Reaper claps his hands. “Oh, goody! I’m a very good dancer. See?”

The Reaper does a little jump to the left, then a step to the right. When he puts his hands on his hips, Dr. Horrible can’t help but join in…

“…now bring your knees in tight. But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane…Let’s do the time warp again…

The Reaper is actually not a terrible singer. “I remember doing the Time Warp…drinking in those moments when…The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling…”

As he and the Reaper sing and dance together, Dr. Horrible has to admit that, finally, he is having the time of his life.

Predicted Winner: Dr. Horrible





NOTE: THIS MATCH ENDS ON SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 7 AT 3:00 PM, ET



Check out the previous match!

Check out the next match!

Check out the Bracket



The Reaper is a character from the Shannara series by Terry Brooks; Dr. Horrible is a character from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog.


Reaper image courtesy of layoutsparks.com. Dr. Horrible image courtesy of Timescience Bloodclub.


5 Responses to “Cage Match–Villains!: 22) The Reaper versus 26) Dr. Horrible”

  1. Leon Solo says:

    Dear Whomever writes these things,
    Your writing is great, you are a good writer without a doubt, but how much do you actually know about the people fighting. Voldemort would easily kill a predator, because the killing curse rebounds from Harry only because of his mother’s love,which a predator does not have. Also, you seriously failed to do even the most rudimentary research into how magic works within the Inheritance series, as evidenced by the results of Vader Vs. Murtagh.

  2. Chaos Worrier says:

    Could I just please humbly ask that the villians simply be kept in character at least to some degree rather than trying to aim for the ridiculous?

  3. Kenny says:

    When the Reaper calls, it’s your time.

  4. Zinaku says:

    The Reaper VS what appears to be Doogie Howser?! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You goin Down Punk!!!

  5. TOny says:

    wtf!!! There was like no fight!!!! Like Reaper just gave up wtf does that mean???

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