Due to some sort of bizarre server hiccup, I briefly navigated to a page receiving classifieds and Craig’s List-type entries from other worlds. I was able to copy-and-paste some of them before the problem corrected itself, and I thought I’d share.
—————————
PostingID 3830658234
Must go: one entire closet-full of grey robes and cloaks. Moderate wear, but otherwise in fantastic condition. Size Large, extra length in the hem. Hat included. Will sell, or trade for fresh Old Toby.
Reply to Gandalf.T.White@WizardsCouncil.com
—————————
PostingID 7495729087
For sale, complete dire wolf pelt (small). Extra soft. May require some small amount of cleaning and repair.
Direct all inquiries to Sansa, c/o Eddard Stark, Winterfell Castle
—————————
PostingID 1863405484
Last week, I lost a family heirloom, the only thing I owned belonging to my father. Offering a handsome reward for its return. It’s a black and silver cylinder, a bit less than a foot long. Last seen in the weather control chambers of Bespin. Cylinder may still have a hand clutching it; return of hand is optional.
Reply to LukeS@sullust.org
—————————
PostingID 47038672209
I need food. Badly.
Reply to Green Elf (currently on level 17)
—————————
PostingID 5478365487
You were out walking along the shore, wearing a cape of royal purple and a crown. There was an older man, with a long grey beard, accompanying you. I was swimming in the lake. Our eyes met, just the once. I’m not sure what you thought it meant, but when you left, you took my sword with you. I’d like it back, please. No questions asked; just drop it back where you found it.
—————————
Three Single Green-Grey Females seeking professional, single males between 18 and 36. Looking for sparks at least, and potentially a long-term relationship. Must love snakes. Only the very near-sighted need respond.
Reply to M.S.and.E@Cisthene.net
ARI MARMELL is the author of The Conqueror’s Shadow and The Warlord’s Legacy (Spectra), and Agents of Artifice (Wizards of the Coast). His newest novel, The Goblin Corps (Pyr Books), is now available as well. You can read a free excerpt of The Conqueror’s Shadow by clicking here.
You can see more of Ari’s credits, and read more of his so-called “thoughts,” at mouseferatu.com, or find him on Twitter at twitter.com/mouseferatu.
“I need food badly” ROFL