SF & Fantasy

Cage Match 2012: Round 3: Anomander Rake versus Bast


The Contestants


Anomander.jpg

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Bast.jpg

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Anomander Rake
Son of Darkness, Knight of High House Dark, Mane of Chaos, Blacksword
Age: Three hundred thousand years, give or take a century
Race: Tiste Andii
Weapons / Artifacts: Dragnipur, the night-bladed sword containing the Gate of Darkness
Special
Attack:
A metric Warren-load of magic

Bast
Bartender

Age: Unknown
Race: Fae creature
Weapons / Artifacts: Doesn’t seem to need any
Special
Attack:
Gets others to attack you to “bring out the best in you”

The Breakdown

Advantages

  • Combat experience stretching back longer than most religions
  • Ability to shape-shift into a dragon
  • Moon’s Spawn, a floating fortress
Advantages

  • Incredibly charming
  • Faster and stronger than you’d expect
  • Might have picked up a thing or two from Kvothe
Disadvantages

  • We’re guessing boredom at having to face such weak characters
Disadvantages

  • Softness for the ladies and his master
Kills

Kills


How we think the fight will go


The dragon cocked its head for a moment, and then, rather suddenly, a large, dark man with silvery-white hair was standing in its place.

“That should have worked.”

Bast shrugged.

“No, seriously,” Rake said. “You don’t have any abilities that I know of that would prevent you from being devoured by a dragon.” He shook his head. “Then again, you should have been destroyed when I cut you in two with my sword.”

“Or that fireball thing you did on me.”

“Exactly!” Rake looked around. “What’s going on?”

“I think you might have answered your own question,” Bast said.

“How so?”

“Well…you said I don’t have any abilities that you know of that would keep me alive. And yet…”

“Yes?”

“Well, what about the abilities you don’t know about?”

“But you don’t have any! That’s my point.”

“That you know of,” Bast repeated. “Who knows what’s going to be revealed in the next book.”

“But…but…,” Rake spluttered. He stopped, realizing this was probably the first time he had ever “spluttered.” He regained his composure. “So what do we do now?”

“I think some other guys did a coin toss—want to do that?”

Rake sighed. “Do…,” he sighed again. “Do you have a coin?”

“Right here,” Bast said, holding it up. “Heads or tails?”

Rake shrugged. “Heads.”

Bast flipped the coin…


Predicted Winner: ???*





NOTE: THIS MATCH ENDS ON THURSDAY, MARCH 22nd, 2012, AT 5 PM, EST

Check out the previous match!

Check out the next match in the Starfleet Academy: Holodeck bracket!

Check out the Bracket



Anomander Rake is a character from the The Malazan Book of the Fallen series by Steven Erikson; Bast is a character from the Kingkiller Chronicles series by Patrick Rothfuss


Rake image courtesy of Michael Komarck and Subterranean Press. Bast image courtesy of ~YasminaMihaylovna

Don’t forget–we’re always looking for fans’ depictions of these characters. Check out the details here



Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”

Thanks!


*Rumor is that a Bast/Zaphod match-up could result in a Patrick Rothfuss write-up…


106 Responses to “Cage Match 2012: Round 3: Anomander Rake versus Bast”

  1. Chandran says:

    Hahaha, nice write up. Pretty sure Rake would never become that flustered, but entertaining none the less. Still, I’m leaning towards Rake for this one.

  2. wcarter4 says:

    Wow, I think Bast is becoming the true dark horse character of the tourney (we all know why Zaphoid is doing well–most of us love the Hitchhikers series– but Bast he’s just so…intriguing. I’m curious to see if he can go any further.

  3. D.I. Waisanen says:

    Okay, this is just ridiculous.

    If we’re just going to say, “Duhhr, we don’t know Bast’s full abilities, so we can’t say for sure that he’d lose,” then what’s the point of having him in Cage Match at all?

    Not to mention that if he had any abilities even nearly at the level of Anomander Rake, given the power level comparison of the two series, he would shatter the plot of The Kingkiller Chronicles into so many pieces that there would be no book left to read.

    I vote for Rake. His power is well beyond anything that Bast could counter, and his experience is well beyond being flustered by an enemy who can (somehow) resist his attacks. He’s seen worse many times over.

  4. Loki ~TQB~ says:

    Worst write-up ever. Rake asking after a coin? You may as well have had him challenge Bast to a break dancing contest. This is just insulting.

  5. Rhulad says:

    That write-up is terrible.

  6. rose says:

    Hehehe. Awesome. Completely sums up what’s been going on, and I like it.

  7. AMR says:

    To be fair to poor Bast, he did show some reality warping powers in the second book( creating a crow out of beer and ink and setting it on fire) but yeah, if any Kingkiller Chronicle character had the power to stand up to Rake, the Chandrian would have been long since dead.

  8. Spectre of Eschaton says:

    I can’t even think of a set of circumstances where Rake would be motivated to even fight a guy like this. Even if the Omnipotent Lords of Suvudu commanded it, I think he might just refuse and suffer the consequences. It’d be pretty dishonorable for him to actually fight this Bast character.

  9. Stonetwig says:

    This write up is great. It’s true that Bast’s character isn’t fully developed, and he probably isn’t as strong as Rake in absolute power, but subtlety sometimes beats out brute force, and bast is a devious guy that we don’t know everything about. He could have a few small advantages that give this one to him.

  10. Samuel says:

    Lol at the Malazan fans getting all huffy…

  11. Archon says:

    @ Samuel: Only the fans who can’t tell the difference between a fun write up designed to not bore everyone with a one-sided slaughterfest and a serious write up of how they actually think it might go… I found it amusing…

  12. Salt-Man Z says:

    “Rumor is that a Bast/Zaphod match-up could result in a Patrick Rothfuss write-up…”

    Is…is this Suvudu code-speak for “Vote for Bast”? Are you kidding me? I think I just lost interest in this and all future Cage Matches. Have fun.

  13. D.I. Waisanen says:

    “This write up is great. It’s true that Bast’s character isn’t fully developed, and he probably isn’t as strong as Rake in absolute power, but subtlety sometimes beats out brute force, and bast is a devious guy that we don’t know everything about. He could have a few small advantages that give this one to him.”

    I agree, but I seriously doubt that Anomander Rake is going to be easily out-maneuvered. He’s survived for three-hundred-thousand years or so, and is considered one of the top political players in a world filled with powerful, ancient, and crafty beings. If anyone is going to be winning on craftiness, it will be Rake.

    I’m not trying to just fanboy this with “NOOO Rake is invincible, he cannot lose!” but seriously, to have Rake lose this fight would be to be untrue to the nature of both characters and both worlds.

  14. What the hell is this? I understand that the writers have to “think out of the box” because otherwise it’d just be boring with Rake destroying everyone in the blink of an eye, but come on. Be imaginative.

    This is just lazy writing.

  15. The Infamous Princess Ben Cuddles says:

    “Rumor is that a Bast/Zaphod match-up could result in a Patrick Rothfuss write-up…”

    This is very odd, why would you put this on the page at all? It just seems like Suvudu is trying to sway people into voting for Bast. This write-up is terrible, and it isn’t like Rake at all. It would be like taking Moiraine and turning her into a loving housewife. It doesn’t make any sense.

  16. Kvothe_the_Bloodless says:

    I take back what I just wrote on the Jardir/Moraine forum…THIS is the best write-up yet! Brilliant!

  17. JLV says:

    The writeup wasn’t well done on Rake’s side. But eh, it’s not a big deal.

    I don’t see the point of including Rake in a cage match. There are a ton of better characters to choose from Malazan (Kalam or Fidder, anyone?). Rake is a god, immortal, carry’s the weight of thousands of creatures he slew. What could he lose too?

    Makes the writeups hard to write, surely, and I can understand why the Suvudu guys want him gone. Shouldn’t have included him in the first place, though.

  18. Andarist says:

    All of the Rake write ups have been terrible and this is no exception. Obviously Rake is ridiculously powerful, which makes it hard to invent competition but the greatest crimes haven’t been against his powers but his character.

    I don’t care if he loses out to an obviously weaker character.. that’s how this show goes down. I’d just like to see an author of one of these fights show his character a little respect.

  19. Spindle says:

    This write-up isn’t very amusing. Rake doesn’t go about asking his enemies why he couldn’t beat them.

    The coin-toss part was good, though.

  20. Obdigore says:

    The previous fight for Rake with Ferro was very truthful to both their characters, I thought.

    This ‘fight’, on the other hand, is apparently about Suvudu trying to get Bast through to the next round so that you get a Patrick Rothfuss write up.

    The only people in this years match that could conceivably stand against Rake are Tomas and maybe Revan. Yet you have this bartender, who has nearly no powers, who is learning from Kvothe, who most likely could not have stood against Rake, somehow immune to any and everything rake does?

    Maybe next year Suvudu could do a double cage match? High Powered characters in one and low powered characters in another? That would avoid something like Rake vs Bast or Khellus vs Ray Lilly (and Khellus lost? Please.)

  21. Meggs says:

    Nice try. ;)

    Still voting Rake. :P

  22. Jam says:

    Love how you guys have embraced the whole Bast’s unrevealed abilites thing that’s been running through the comments section. But what really swung my vote from Rake to Bast was the promise of a Patrick Rothfuss writeup. Yes, please!!

  23. Shadow'sBane says:

    Best Write-Up ever.
    XD

  24. MTS says:

    I agree with JLV. Choosing Rake out of the quite literally hundreds of other characters in the Malazan world was a mistake. Quick Ben was a smart move last year because, mysterious though he is, we know he has at least some limits that enable fair fights between characters in other series. Rake on the other hand has been built up since MOI as a character so utterly, pants-shittingly powerful that nothing can stand against him. I don’t think even Tomas or Revan could cause him to break a sweat, and therein lies the problem: it’s boring. I don’t think anybody even remotely familiar with the series is seriously entertaining the thought that Rake could possibly lose to Bast of all people. The fact Suvudu had to dangle the candy of a Patrick Rothfuss write-up in front of everybody to make this a fair fight speaks volumes of the laughable inequality of this and all Rake match-ups, which is why he shouldn’t have been included in the first place. I said it last year, and I still hold to it: Iron Bars would have been the perfect choice for this.

  25. Darkest Lord says:

    this is totally ridiculous.
    Us Malazan fans are gonna flood this poll, make no mistake about that.
    mess with rake and u are going to face the consequences.
    i am not saying rake should win every match. im saying if he is to lose, it’s got to be convincing and realistic. not this sh**.

  26. Archon says:

    They need to bring in Karsa Orlong… Theres a character who could have a reasonable chance to fight anyone, but not necessarily beat anyone, and he would prompt some fantastic write-ups because he’s a fun character…

  27. Shadow'sBane says:

    @SUVUDU
    i seriously hope that Rand Al’thor isn’t withe audience watching the Battle between Rake and Bast….or else the flipping coin would turn out a very very Bad idea…
    :if u know what i mean: ;)

  28. Kolo Navi says:

    Eh…again, choosing Rake was bad, bad decision… And write-ups like this only underlines it.

    Also…Bast…really…? But why not, but from Malazan universe, you could chose a hundred characters and have “realistic” write-ups…and even score of characters that would give you drama and absurd humor (Iskaral Pust, Kruppe, some Mott Irregular)…

    …instead, you have to choose demigod who refued goship and still, even gods are trembling from him…

  29. Rhulad says:

    There are a few characters that could possibly, maybe almost kinda give rake a run for his money. Most of them are part of the Malazan universe. The others are Cthulhu.

  30. Shadow'sBane says:

    @Rhulad
    Moiraine (WoT) from this tournament can take Rake down…and Also Richard Rahl(SoT) would matchup with him…
    and also other characters from Wot universe can fight Rake Head on…Even Kelsier has a chance

  31. Kolo Navi says:

    Really? I write polite, non vulgar criticism of your choice and you delete my post?

    What a style…

  32. Kolo Navi says:

    Really, I didnt refresh the page and then criticize you?

    What a stupidity…

  33. Ru Mo says:

    I think this write up is awesome. After all the screeching people did in the comments about how wrong the writers of first two match ups were about Bast’s abilities and his hidden talents, this is a great humorous “well, we gave you what you wanted so shut up” slap in the face by the writers. I loved it! Go Bast!

  34. The Dragon Reborn says:

    I will do a write up of Rake against one of the ta’veren on and put it on the facebook group – Fantastic lands – fantasy discussions. It’s something that has to be done.

    Group link-
    http://www.facebook.com/groups/fantasticlands/

  35. Archon says:

    @Shadow’s Bane

    You’re not talking about the same Rake… MAYBE Balefire MIGHT work against Rake, but to hit Rake with it, you would have to see him, AND hit him… Rake, as the Son of Darkness, is Mostrously stealthy when he wants to be, And he’s as quick and elusive as anyone if the need arises… although it very seldom does. Other than that, No… Nobody that you mentioned has a prayer… You clearly don’t understand how powerful this guy is.

  36. Spectre of Eschaton says:

    That *is* something to keep in mind — Rake is terrifyingly fast. Karsa, who is a superhumanly-fast warrior himself, was unable to even *see* Rake and Dassem’s duel.

    T’lan Imass are *fast* as we all know, and Apsal’ara, as a thief goddess, is likely a fair bit faster, and yet even getting the drop of Rake, he had Dragnipur out and hitting her before she even got near him.

    From what I recall, Balefire is not light-speed in the books, i.e. it *can* be dodged, so if Rake has any warning, I can’t see why it would hit him. Also, RJ said in an interview that in order to Balefire the Dark One, such an amount as the obliterate a planet as collateral damage of hitting him would required. Rake, being for all intents and purposes, a god, may require more than a normal dosage of Balefire to erase, also. On top of that, Balefiring Dragnipur could have some serious consequences, possibly even resulting in the eradication of the universe if your hit the Gate of Darkness with enough Balefire. @_@

  37. HoosierDaddy says:

    “@Rhulad
    Moiraine (WoT) from this tournament can take Rake down…and Also Richard Rahl(SoT) would matchup with him…
    and also other characters from Wot universe can fight Rake Head on…Even Kelsier has a chance”

    No, Moraine couldn’t take Rake. No, Truthiness Rahl couldn’t either. The Survivor would stand no chance. The power levels are just not comparable and completely unfair. But, that’s not what this is about.

    Jaime Lannister beat Rand al Thor for Christ’s sake. The Dragon Reborn lost to Jaime Lannister because GRRM has legions of fans that will go out of their mind to get a write-up from GRRM. Which is what Suvudu is seemingly trying to accomplish here with Bast and Rothfuss.

    I seriously doubt you ever see Erikson write one of these. He’s too busy you know, actually publishing books.

    I recommend adding Twilight Characters, Suvudu. You’ll really get the page-hits then.

  38. Stonetwig says:

    Do you know who could beat Rake…Goku! Ya, super saiyan up in his face! He’s killed everything in the galaxy, and i’m pretty sure i saw his picture on a cereal box or something, so it’s literature and he can be included in the tourny.

  39. JLV says:

    That said, I think the Suvudu people have a great thing going with these Cage matches. I really hope they continue to grow. A great way to discover new authors, and remind yourself of the old.

  40. Archon says:

    @HoosierDaddy

    Gotta call you out for your facts, even though your point is semi-accurate… Nobody beat Rand… Not Jaime, not anybody… Now, it is true that people do win based on popularity, but as last year showed, in the end, you have to have the popularity AND the power to win it all… Both Rand and Quick Ben were very deserving champions, even if they weren’t necessarily the MOST powerful people in their respective tourneys, they were AMONG the most powerful, and they were also very popular… if it was ONLY about popularity, then every final would be WoT vs. GoT…

  41. HoosierDaddy says:

    “@Rhulad
    Moiraine (WoT) from this tournament can take Rake down…and Also Richard Rahl(SoT) would matchup with him…
    and also other characters from Wot universe can fight Rake Head on…Even Kelsier has a chance”

    No, Moraine couldn’t take Rake. No, Truthiness Rahl couldn’t either. The Survivor would stand no chance. The power levels are just not comparable and completely unfair. But, that’s not what this is about.

    Jaime Lannister beat Rand al Thor for Christ’s sake. The Dragon Reborn lost to Jaime Lannister because GRRM has legions of fans that will go out of their mind to get a write-up from GRRM. Which is what Suvudu is seemingly trying to accomplish here with Bast and Rothfuss.

    I seriously doubt you ever see Erikson write one of these. He’s too busy you know, actually publishing books.

    I recommend adding Twilight Characters, Suvudu. Jacob v. Edward in the final with Meyer herself getting the Twihards all a frenzy!

  42. Shadow'sBane says:

    @SUVUDU
    i really hope that u upgrade and debug the comment system of this Website….becoz it has been 2 yrs since the cage-matches…and the stupid problem of loading comments still is solved…still all comments load once u comment….and when u comment 2nd time …then all comments below ur first comments don’t load…making many comments including ur own invisible…its bloody irritating…becoz it happens continuously until u put a 3 comment…then after that there are many other problems too…get this comment system debugged…or use a FB integration for comments like 9gag does…it would be better…

  43. Shadow'sBane says:

    @HoosierDaddy
    Jaime Lannister DID NOT beat the Dragon Reborn!!…i will remember that bloody fight all my life.

    and Richard Rahl CAN match-up to Rake if he uses all his War-Wizard’s strength along with Sword of Truth’s power….

    and as for Moiraine….well she has a small chance against Rake…if she can somehow Balefire him..

    and Kelseir has a chance too…u know Kell’s friend Sazed now holds power of two Shards (Preservation and Ruin) …with his help it is possible….and with Atium and Duralumin there is a chance.

    and Rand Al’thor may have a Chance….he is very powerful…plus he is a ta’varen…that helps a lot….and on top of that if Perrin and Mat are in audience…chances of victory becomes very high….

    @Archon
    i haven’t read the Malazan books…so i don’t know how powerful he is…from what research and heard i can tell that he is as powerful as Goku in Super Saiyan-mode.
    but that doesn’t mean he is invincible….just a method of defeating him has to be figured out.

  44. HoosierDaddy says:

    It’s possible, but improbable. All things being equal, Rake would win. I’ve read all of the series we are talking about, and it’s just not fair. But, still, it’s possible. The key would be a good write-up to make it not just possible, but believable. But, I doubt Erikson would care to and it’s hard to capture Rake’s essence, despite the first author’s intent.

    But, it’s fine, vote for your favorites and hopefully we’ll get better write-ups. I’d much rather Rake lose to Moraine or Kelsier than Bast. But, it’d be fun to see Rothfuss’ take on these. He’s a clever author.

  45. Macready says:

    I once heard the phrase somewhere on the internet: “Anomander Rake: he simply walks into Mordor.” I think that sums it up quite well. Especially for this fight. It’s too bad, I enjoyed the first write up of Anomander’s, the second was okay and believable with Ferro Maljinn, and I considered that one a given considering Anomander needed at least one writeup like that. But this one was lacking. As a fan of both authors I can hardly consider this a good writeup (after all isn’t that why we all come here to this site? For a badass writeup that can marvel our curiosity as do these fine authors).

    Personally I find this writeup lacking, especially for Bast–despite how goofy Anomander acted–in the way he used none of his intellect /devious/and savagery other than standing there and ’somehow’ surviving every kind of death visited upon him. At the least Bast could have downplayed his skills to ambush Rake. Still not sure why people find this a great match other than hoping Rothfuss will write a short, semi-entertaining writeup for the next match… I mean really, it won’t be action packed, we know he will write it (if he even does) so that Bast will win, and it certainly will not release more information on Bast’s past and capabilities.

  46. TapperMalaz says:

    If the cage match wasn’t about popularity but about raw strength, ability, magic, cunning, experience, tactical stratagems, allies and about who has skidmarks in their underwear after your name is mentioned, then we ought to just skip the tournament and crown Rake.

    Since Suvudu isn’t exactly about who would win, but about popularity, fair game to Bast being of an equal level as Rake in the write-up. Now that he is here, both Suvudu and readers have to deal with it and that means that you can’t do Rake justice without obliterating his every opponent and can’t give them a chance without making a charicature out of Rake.

    If Rake wins, maybe next write-up Suvudu ought to post the following:

    Rake: “I can kill you in so many ways it is not even funny, and there’s nothing you can do to even inconvenience me.”

    Opponent: “I could block your first swing, maybe your second. Dragnipur might get nicked. And if I call on all my magical aids, allies and experience I can perhaps dodge your warren-blast once.”

    Rake: “That would mean I’m late for lunch. What about settling it with Rock-Paper-Scissors?”

    Opponent: “Best of one?”

  47. dry009 says:

    Bast with 40% of the vote? Really? Reaaaally?

    Completely preposterous.

  48. HoosierDaddy says:

    Only 40%? To the machines!

    But, sir, they weren’t built for that magnitude!

    They’re built for what I demand!

    Sir, your demands are preposterous. Really, reaaaaaally preposterous!

    Damn the expectations man! Bast is go for launch in 10:

    10

    9

    8

    7

    6

    Denna has upset the launch sequence again. Denna? Seriously? We have to do this at least once. Yes, I know you like to interrupt the story. Yes, you are beautiful. Qvothe isn’t even here! He’s checking out a Marriot in west somewhere. You’ll head somewhere else? Great. Awesome.

    5.

    4.

    3.

    2. Why’s the ignition flame all wrong?

  49. Darkest Lord says:

    by the way Patrick Rothfuss has written a short write-up for this fight on his blog

  50. Sashan says:

    god damn it, a write-up by Rothfuss for a Zaphod vs. Bast would be legendary…

    but no, let’s vote for the other guy se we can read about another coin toss…you people are morons…

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