SF & Fantasy

Cage Match 2013 Round 3: Smaug vs. Medusa

The Contestants



The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
Age: Unknown
Race: Dragon
Weapons / Artifacts: Dragon-ness and a horde of Dwarven artifacts
Death from Above

Greek Mythology
Age: Unknown
Race: Monster
Weapons / Artifacts: Her face
Can stop anything in its tracks. Her hair is made of snakes and she is so ugly that whoever looks at her turns into stone. Medusa’s body has wings with broad round heads, serpentine locks of hair, large staring eyes, wide mouths, the tusks of swine, lolling tongues, flared nostrils, and sometimes short coarse beards

The Breakdown


  • Size and strength
  • Flight and ferocity
  • Oh, and fire

  • She is a monster with two immortal monster sisters
  • Can stop anything in its tracks

  • Uncontrollable thirst for gold

  • Culture shock


Took a lickin’, didn’t keep tickin’

  • GrendelA little Ophidiophobia would have come in handy

How we think the fight will go

Medusa had little in the way of material means, but whenever rumors circulated about a terrifying monster, a fiercely guarded treasure was almost always included in the package. Most of the statues now littering her grounds belonged not to those who sought the glory of killing a gorgon, but to would-be fortune hunters who merely hoped to sneak on and off the premises with a valuable jewel or magical talisman.Very late one night, Medusa woke to dark, thunderous echoes cracking the very pillars of her lair. The night sky, usually only vaguely discernible in the darkness at the end of the corridor, was blotted out entirely. She heard and felt a rush of breath that could not be her own; the burning stench alarmed but did not sicken her. A voice rolled through the room like boulders. “I know what you are and I know what you’ve got,” it said. “But I come not to rob you.” Laughter shook chips of marble from the ceiling stones. “Whatever you’ve got here is but a speck to me.”

A low rumble began to build in the back of Medusa’s throat. When she spoke, her voice was the sound of daggers being dragged along the edge of a sharpening stone: “What’s left of mine to possess then, that hasn’t already been taken by conquerors more powerful than you? Show yourself to me, friend.”

Again, the laughter. Her snakes’ clear eyelids snapped shut against the clouds of marble dust. “Your reputation precedes you, woman. It is not for no reason that I come under cover of darkness. You see, it is not your treasure I seek, but yourself. And not for the purposes you might imagine, although from what I hear, your charms are closer to my taste than those of most human females I’ve encountered.

“I come bearing a proposal. My Lonely Mountain is stuffed to the rafters with more riches than you could imagine, even in your immortal lifetime. But worthy companionship is hard to come by, and my stronghold is vulnerable on the occasions when I travel. How am I to go out and acquire the wealth I crave with confidence, when some filthy wretch is probably stuffing his pockets with my gold even as we speak?

“I have come to implore you to become the mistress of my keep, the Queen of Lonely Mountain. If it’s companionship you seek, we’ll while away many a winter eve with stories and riddles. If you prefer solitude, there are many caverns and chambers in the Mountain that my incredible posture has kept me from claiming.”

Listening to this proposal, Medusa found herself absolutely dumbfounded. Though Smaug could not see her, she shook her head in the darkness, dozens of tiny reptilian heads shaking with it. “Sooner or later, my lord,” she finally rasped, “we would run afoul of each other.”

She could hear the dragon smiling as he replied: “Nonsense. More legendary survivors than ourselves have navigated greater differences in the past. If it’s your countenance that troubles you, my quarters can be quite tenebrous — almost as dark as it is now.”

“That’s all well and good, Sire,” she hissed. “But what about moments like these?” Medusa drew a short knife from a leather sheath at her girdle and threw it with the full force of her arm toward the point in the darkness from which the dragon’s voice emanated. She heard a grunt of surprise and pained annoyance, and then suddenly the room was ablaze, fire streaming across the pale stone walls of her bedchamber. Outraged, Smaug screamed.

“You ungrateful wench! I’ll pick my teeth with your bo–” his voice choked off mid-sentence. In the fiery flash of his outrage, he had beheld that which noman, woman, or beast could behold and still remain flesh. The great worm stiffened and was stone.

Medusa snorted with derision. That ill-tempered beast and I never would have made it five minutes, let alone five centuries, she thought to herself. Still, it was the most inventive offer she’d had in a while. Alas, she had her own priorities to tend to — for starters, how to get out of her house with a six hundred-ton stone dragon blocking the exit.

Predicted Winner: Medusa

NOTE: THIS MATCH ENDS ON Friday, March 22th, 2013, AT 5 PM, EST

Check out all the Cage Match 2013 posts!

Check out the round 1 recap and Cage Match 2013 Bracket!

Check out the round 2 recap and Cage Match 2013 Bracket!

Smaug is a character from The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien; Medusa is a character from Greek Mythology.

Smaug image courtesy of J.R.R. Tolkien. Medusa image courtesy of IronShod.

Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”


7 Responses to “Cage Match 2013 Round 3: Smaug vs. Medusa”

  1. Me says:

    Since nobody else has mentioned it, I’ll bite the bullet here… Medusa is supposed to be ugly on a legendary scale. While her cage-match picture is certainly monstrous, she actually has a few strikingly attractive features mixed in with the monstrous facade.

  2. That Guy says:

    Come on….this was supposed to be the year the Cage Match wasn’t muddied by complete fanboy-ism. Smaug would beat Medusa about as much as the Kraken beat her SEVERED HEAD.

  3. Viridian says:

    I have to agree. As cool as Smaug is. Even the GODS couldn’t look at Medusa without dying and nobody in the cage match would KNOW not to look her in the eyes so most would be dead during the conversation phase.

  4. Metacognition says:

    I think we can safely assume that each of the combatants, especially as we draw closer to the finals, are at least aware of each other by now. If we always assume that they know nothing of each other, then the battle goes to whoever attacks first! There will always be some element that the opponent wouldn’t account for (increased speed, strength, etc of the attack).
    As such, I don’t see why Smaug didn’t JUST CLOSE HIS EYES when he set the place on fire! It’s not like he wasn’t aware that he shouldn’t look upon Medusa. He says as much when trying to lure her into joining him. This could just as easily be a victory for Smaug.

    But, Medusa truly should win this one. I’m going to answer my own question from earlier to explain exactly why Smaug DIDN’T close his eyes: He’s arrogant. Smaug knows he’s the biggest and baddest mofo anywhere and remembering to be cautious doesn’t play well with the huge chip he has on his shoulder. He believes himself to be nearly invulnerable, so he’s likely to make mistakes like that. Against an opponent like Medusa, a single mistake is all it takes to get you turned to stone. As That Guy pointed out, not even the Kraken was immune to the gaze of Medusa, so we even have a comparable monster to base the effect of her gaze on.

    If Smaug plays it smart and doesn’t make any mistakes, he wins, but he will because he’s him, so Medusa now has the biggest lawn ornament in history.

  5. Coop says:

    Smaug might be arrogant but he is extremely intelligent. He has lived for thousands of years and the only way he could stay alive for that long, with so many people trying to kill him for his treasure, is be a little cautious. He would close his eyes and burn down everything to a crisp including Medusa.

  6. Metacognition says:

    As far as dragons go, Smaug is relatively young. Not to mention that the opponents he typically would go up against are far weaker than Medusa is. Look at it this way, he’s so arrogant, he was brought down after revealing his main weakness to a halfling.
    Smaug dominates if we base this off of pure power, but his character flaws (and his main physical one) cause him to lose to a craftier foe like Medusa.

  7. Metacognition says:

    They’re deleting your messages because you’re spamming, Smaug. That and you’re making the actual Smaug look like a whiny brat. When you started this account, you should’ve stuck to the idea of being in character. You’re inadvertently mocking a favorite character and spamming the matches. I’d censor you too, if I could.

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