SF & Fantasy

The One Ring Is Invisible On Amazon


arabic-oneringThe One Ring is invisible on Amazon.

Or so the powerful talisman hopes you’ll believe!

I was surfing the internet(s) two days ago when I came upon THIS priceless gem of a ring on Amazon. I initially thought, “That is a gorgeous ring. And the Lord’s Prayer. In Arabic. How f’n cool is that?”

But then I looked closer. And began to read the reviews. I spent at least fifteen minutes on this one Amazon page, reading every review that came up. And by the end, I was giggling with geek delight. There are some wonderful 5-star reviews but the 1-star reviews are just as hilarious, poking fun at the ring by using the world and characters from The Lord of the Rings.

Here are some examples of my favorite reviews, the first one from the point of view of Frodo:

5 out of 5 stars: Special Care Instructions

By Toni W on February 15, 2014

I found this ring to be of fantastic quality and very durable – at one point my friend had hit it with an ax with no noticeable damage. However, I would suggest the following tips when caring for this ring:

1. Keep it secret
2. Keep it safe

I keep mine in an envelope and this works very well.

The best part about that review? I can hear Gandalf in the background saying, “Keep it secret, keep it safe.” This next review is from Sauron:

1 out of 5 Stars: Reward for Lost Ring
By Sauron

Stupid King of Men cut this off my hand… then lost it in some stupid river, where the ring was found by some stinky little fellow…who freakin’ lost it to some other little fellow. That fellow gave it to his nephew. Said nephew and his hippy friends and a girly elf set off to return it to me. But that stupid nephew threw it in the volcano. And this was after I spent time, money, orcs, wraiths and a balrog with wings trying to retrieve it and now my boss Morgoth is pretty mad. So if some one could reforge it and send it back that would be great, my job is riding on it. I’d reforge it myself but I am just some floating ethereal giant eyeball at this time. Thanks in advance.

“Said nephew and his hippy friends and a girly elf set off to return it to me.” Frickin’ hilarious!

The next review is just funny as hell:

1 out of 5 Stars: Size Warning, February 16, 2014
By Alex Riggle

It’s true that this ring comes in sizes 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13. It’s not that you can get the ring in any of those sizes. It’s that the ring you get can be any of those sizes, apparently at whim, if it makes any sense to say a ring has whims. One day it’s practically squeezing my finger off, and the next day it slips off while I’m running nude through the mall, rendering me suddenly visible and revealing for everyone to see exactly why my wife calls me “halfling.”

My advice: if you must buy this ring, keep it on a chain in your pocket and only slip it on to avoid unwanted visitors (missionaries, home siding salesmen, dragon-seeking dwarves, etc.). Better yet, if you live near an active volcano, just toss the thing in. And run like hell.

Those are just three. As of this blog post, there are 61 reviews, most of them just as funny. Since the original item was described as a ring bearing the Lord’s Prayer in Arabic, there are also many comments on some of the reviews from Christians/Catholics who apparently lack a sense of humor… Fortunately, no one in the reviews has lumped Arabic in with the evil of Mordor, something that would incense me.

The ring is sadly sold out now but hopefully it will be restocked since the reviews are worth the item being sold on Amazon until the fires of Mordor consume all!

Gotta love this type of humor on a Monday!

Much laughs needed!


One Response to “The One Ring Is Invisible On Amazon”

  1. Eric says:

    There are more you know. Many more of the One Ring out there. They are hidden so you have to search for them.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009KSNBFO/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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