In a masterstroke of evil genius or psychopathic disregard for humanity, bestselling author George R. R. Martin is publishing only one—that’s right, one—hardcover copy of his next novel, The Winds of Winter.
Martin is best known as the writer responsible for the bestselling fantasy series A Fire & Ice Song, which ultimately led him to international stardom when HBO began adapting the series. Billions of his fans are eagerly awaiting the penultimate installment of A Fire & Ice Song, The Winds of Winter, and how it will lead into the final volume of the series. In the past, A Fire & Ice Song novels have been released with hardcover print runs in the hundreds of thousands along with a simultaneous ebook release. Not with The Winds of Winter. There will be one copy created—one copy only. It will be hidden in an Amazon big-box bookstore of Martin’s choice. And from there chaos will erupt around the globe.
When asked about why he has decided to publish only one copy of The Winds of Winter, Martin seemed less than worried.
“I want people to know… to really feel… what it’s like to live in Westeros,” Martin said from his home in King’s Landing. “The one copy of The Winds of Winter will be a beautifully crafted piece of art, made with Lannister gold filigree, Targaryen dragon hide, and ink supplied from Stark blood. The true battle for the Iron Throne is about to begin!”
“It’s clear George has lost it. Absolutely lost it,” long-time friend and editor Anne Groell stated from her office in New York City. “No good can come of this. World War IV? The Apocalypse in the Bible’s Revelation? Aliens visiting Earth for Obamacare? These events are not the end of times. The Winds of Winter will be. I put a lot of time into these books. And now this?! This aberration of editorial nature will be the death of all we know! Of all we know, I tell you!”
Fans are already frenzied by the news. Economic Maesters are unanimous in their belief this could destroy the world’s economy—and even prompt a life-time of winter.
Actor Peter Dinklage, who plays the role of Tyrion Lannister on the HBO show, did not want to comment. “If I comment and share how I really feel about this, George may kill my character off. He’s a bloody bastard that way. Bloody. Bastard. Like that Joffrey kid. Fans love Tyrion. They want to see him survive the game of thrones and ride a dragon. That can’t happen if he’s dead because I open my mouth. Plus, I like having a job.”
When asked where he got the idea, Martin just smiled. “Two words: Wu-Tang. The Winds of Winter will show the world how humanity really is—cut throat and willing to do anything for these books. I cannot wait for the bloodbath to ensue!”
There is no news yet about how the last book in the series, A Dream of Spring, will be published. Martin did not seem worried by the question.
“I sit the Iron Throne! Me! Myself! My own! Preciousss!”
Shawn Speakman is the author of The Dark Thorn, an urban/epic fantasy hybrid novel bestselling author Terry Brooks calls, “a fine tale by a talented writer.”
He is also editor of Unfettered, a fantasy anthology featuring some of the best writers in the genre. When Shawn isn’t lying for a living on April Fool’s Day, he runs The Signed Page and Grim Oak Press.